What do you do when you're an only child and you live miles from your sick parent?

[Theoldonesarealwaysbest]

I have no clue how to deal with this at all. About 2 weeks ago my mother suddenly started to talk mumbo jumbo. My cousin took her to hospital where they did a ct scan and they said there was a mass on the brain, they asked if it was cancer and they were non committal and my mother discharged. Her gp came in and said by looking at the scan there is nothing to indicate cancer just there is a swelling and it looks possible it could have been a mini stroke and was given steroids. Following this my mother has since had a full MRI and another CT scan. Since then she has fallen over twice at home and is now living with my cousin until I can get there on Sunday. We are supposed to be getting the results of the scans on Tuesday. I know it is too early to speculate and google is not really the best invention when you are in this situation as your imagination tends to run riot after reading certain things. I have an open return train ticket and I need to be back home for certain things and to restart work. I have a husband who works extremely long hours, is away a lot, a teenager about to start 6th form and we are waiting for gcse result and a 10 year old. I have no idea how or what to do long term with my mother. If you have read this far thank you! I have no idea if a care home would be an option (she has money so can pay for care), she has never liked living alone since my dad died 2 years ago, which I can understand. But if whatever it is is recoverable from, I am not sure emotionally she will cope after having had time living with my cousin and then me for the next few weeks. Its all just a bit arghhhh. Any advice greatly received.

Oh and I am Fimbo btw but can't register under my old name because of the email furore a couple of months ago.

[whataboutbob]

Hello my advice would be to take things one step at a time at this point. Things could go in various directions, she may get better,or she may remain frailer. Make sure to make contact with her GP, my dad s practice was unhelpful at first until I attended with dad( who went on to be diagnosed with alzhemers). After he had given permission for me to be included in discussions about his health, they were only too happy to liaise with me. It also came in handy when I needed power of attorney as the GP filled in one of the forms. And of course gps refer on to just about everybody- social workers, hospital Consultants, district nurses.

Good luck. It is hard becoming responsible for your parent.

[CMOTDibbler]

Like whataboutbob, I'd take it one step at a time, and see what her GP has to say on Tuesday. Then you can make decisions on what her diagnosis is

[twentyten]

Sounds really tough. Local age uk or council often helplines - sheltered accommodation? Good luck

[Theas18]

How's things Fimbo?

[GooseberryJam]

Fimbo I hope you've been able to find guidance. I am in a similar situation in that I'm an only child and my mum's now in hospital and looks like she will be for a while. I actually live 100 miles from them and am currently staying at their house but will need to go back to work at some point, plus am missing my DH and the last bit of my DS's school holidays . My dad can't deal with hospital issues at all, mum has always managed everything like that. He can draw his pension but doesn't know how to pay any of the bills etc. (hardly anything is on direct debit). One useful thing has been that in getting advice on setting up lasting power of attorney, Age UK have quoted me about £200 less than anyone else so far.