Elderly father wants to move house

[chelseamorning]

We lost our mum last year and now my dad is thinking about moving from Staffordshire to the Boscombe area of Bournemouth, as this was a place they enjoyed together.

He is obviously nervous about moving to a completely new area where he will know no-one. He says if he's going to be depressed and miss her, then he may as well do so by the sea! Bless him. He says he will try to throw himself into the local community and to get involved, but is just not sure what is available to him.

He is aged 74 but is young at heart. He doesn't want to spend his time playing bingo and prefers to mix with people of all ages. Does anyone have any older relatives in this area . If so, what sort of things do they do to keep busy, what clubs are available etc?

Any advice is most welcome!

[AMumInScotland]

How about getting him to join Gransnet and start chatting to people in the area? Like MN it's got a proportion of men in the membership as well as women, and they seem really keen on arranging meetups and that kind of thing (at least the area my mum is in are!)

[Panga63]

Does he have hobbies he enjoys that would get him out of the house and meeting people? If he goes along to the local library or goes online and scans the local newspaper they usually advertise clubs he can join to get to know folks.

[SugarPlumTree]

What does he like doing exactly ? Also which bit of Boscome is he looking at as I believe it has a reputation of being drug central, though might be a bit more cleaned up now.

[ajandjjmum]

I would be encouraging him to rent somewhere and try it out, before upping sticks and moving completely.

Does he has a social life where he is - I know men are in short supply at the groups my DM goes to - he would be welcomed with open arms.

[twentyten]

Contact local age uk or u3a - good idea to rent to check his memories are realistic. Good luck

[Jenijena]

That area has quite a lot of people who move there for retirement, but then get too old infirm to carry out their retirement plans, or one of the couple dies, and there is quite a lot of loneliness and isolation as people haven't built up the friendship networks.

Having said that, it's not all like that, and it is very elderly friendly... Lots going on! But there is a darker side.

Some bits of boscombe are ok, others are tatty and run down. Southbourne is a bit naicer, although definitely not posh...

[chelseamorning]

Thanks for your replies!

My parents move to their town about 6 months before my mum was diagnosed with cancer. Dad then spent the next 6 years or so looking after mum, and neither really integrated into their community. Now she has died, dad doesn't feel any connection to their location at all, hence wanting to move.

Sugarplumtree, he's looking at the Owls Road area of Boscombe or somewhere within walking distance of both the sea and the shops.

Panga63, he likes reading about history etc! likes walking (although can't get about as much as he used to), would like to try bowls etc, but ultimately just wants to get involved in community things.

AMuminScotland, I've had a look at Gransnet but there isn't anything posted in his Local. However I have suggested he joins and just lurks to see what people are posting. If nothing else, it'll just give him an opportunity to chat to other lonely seniors.

Having spent a lot of time researching his current area, I have found a serious lack of groups for elderly men. Women are used to chatting and meeting other women in social groups, schools etc, but men aren't quite so confident. He goes to his local lunch club once a week and he is the only man, with over 15 women. He longs for the company of men.

[chelseamorning]

I guess dad is just looking for a nice retirement community with lots going on. He's not completely wedded to Boscombe, he's just trying to find somewhere to start.

He's currently living in a housing association bungalow and is looking to rent in a retirement complex. However, these places don't seem to be 'buzzing', and I'm a bit concerned there won't be enough going on for him. Or, if there is, he might be ostracized if he doesn't participate. He's not really a joiner, but likes to socialise, if you see what I mean.

[chelseamorning]

Sorry, meant to say that he currently doesn't drive, as he gave up his car a few years ago. He just wants a place convenient for walking to both the local shops and the sea. Any suggestions?!

Barton-on-Sea, Highcliffe, Christchurch and Southbourne all seem a bit cut off from the sea, especially if you can only walk there.

Jenijena, he's not after anything posh. Just somewhere with a mix of friendly people. Just what and where is this darker side of the area? Would be good to know!

[Panga63]

Definitely lots of bowls clubs in the area as my parents bowl and its a very sociable thing to do for both sexes, whether you're single or a couple. Many clubs will have open days where people can come along and try it out. My parents have links to Highcliffe, but Barton, Christchurch etc are flat and its fairly easy to get about without a car.

[Panga63]

Also loads of charities in the area (esp charity shops - always looking out for volunteers!). Maybe he could rent near Christchurch/Mudeford as see what area feels friendliest?

[chelseamorning]

Thanks for all your replies.

This is a tough one as I feel dad is looking to me to help him make a decision, so I'm feeling pressure to get this right.

My DP, DS and I are moving soon to Brockenhurst, so it would be reassuring to Dad if we weren't too far from him. I guess that's why he's looking at the Bournemouth area. However I don't want him to rule out other areas like Highcliffe, Barton and Milford-on-Sea. Any thoughts on these places?

[serialgrannie]

Hi. In view of your father's interests, can I endorse that he really should explore joining the local U3A (whether he moves or not). I have checked and Bournemouth U3A seems to be a large and thriving group with loads of activities and clubs. He will find a warm welcome and lots of people with the same interests. Our U3A even has a social group for people on their own. Almost all areas now have a branch of the U3A, which is primarily aimed at retired/semi retired people.

We became members when we retired and have made so many new friends and even taken up new interests.

Best wishes whatever he decides.

[chelseamorning]

Thanks, serialgrannie. Very helpful! He looked at his local U3A not long after mum dies, but I don't think he was ready to join in. Now he is, so I will suggest he looks at it again.

You lot are great. Such lovely support. Thank you! X

[SugarPlumTree]

I think Boscombe East, a bit I have seen advertised a the Portman Estate is probably the safer bet. A friend lived there, not far from shops or beach . I have a friend who was a drug and alcohol counsellor who was based around Boscombe and he wasn't very complimentary about Boscombe. There are sheltered flats I considered for my Mother round Owls Road and to be honest I discounted them due to area, just didn't want o take the risk.

I was going to say about the U3A which seem active round by me, I have older neighbours ranging from 67 to 83 and between them one was a volunteer photographer with the NT, one has horses, another goes surfing, two go Nordic Walking and the gym regularly, trips to open air theatre plus cinema and a group of them are gong trekking in Peru. Infinitely better social life than me !

My friends parents are in Highcliffe and happy there . I think everywhere down here hasa decent selection of activities for older people as there are so many down here. I've had first hand experience of the health care and SS system and have been pretty impressed. My neighbour sadly had a stroke a few weeks ago and was in hospital 40 mins max from onset and making excellent progress with a thorough rehab package on discharge, there are a few negative things I hear occasionally but overall I think things ar pretty good.