Have you had an elderly parent live with you and how did you make it work?

[Hadeda]

I'm not sure if this is a great idea or one of my worst....
My DF is currently living with us. My DM passed away very suddenly last year. They lived outside the UK and were the only ones there. It wasn't practical (or safe) for DF to stay there alone, so he moved to the UK in March. He's been staying with us since he arrived but the idea was always that we'd find him his own place.

5 months down the line and his goods arrived this week and his cats (don't ask...!!) last week. So I started making more detailed investigations into a place for him. I've had 2 "chats" with him about it recently and it's clear he doesn't actually want to move out...

This is a bit of a curve ball but he seems to be happy here and likes having the DDs around, wants to go to the school concert with us, has even tried to watch the World Cup with DH. From our side it really hasn't been too difficult. Dad is low maintenance and prefers to listen to his own radio at night than sit with us, so apart from settling him in initially it has been fine.

So..... my next bright idea is perhaps we convert our loft and we move up there, giving DF our room. Space wise that is feasible - he'd have a bigger room than now and we could furnish it to his taste. And we get the loft so our own private space.

But before I get too carried away, what do I need to think about for "multi generational" living?
Obvious ones to me are - what happens when he gets old and frail? Making sure DH and I have some space/time together. Possible changes to the house for an older person (eg very firm handrail on stairs, he really heaves on it going upstairs).
How have others found this type of set up? And are my spectacles too rose tinted..?!!

[Hadeda]

That's a good point. We have a nanny for our DDs so I'm used to her comming in and out. Perhaps it would be like that?
More difficult though is when they are not there and he is frail - eg if ill and needs care during te day when we are both at work.
But then I think "that's for later, if this makes him happy now (and given the very tough time he's had, packing up and moving so soon after DM died) then maybe let's just have that good time. And deal with the next phase when it happens. IYSWIM?

[whataboutbob]

I'm tempted to say- he doesn't sound too demanding, he does not have dementia and you'd be doing kind thing. But it's important to be confident your husband is happy with the plan. It's his home too. Ni one can tell what the future holds. He may never go through the very frail and high care needs stage of life.

[ElizabethMedora]

What about downstairs living - do you have a bathroom or the possibility of one downstairs, & enough space for a bedroom downstairs?