Anywhere you can recommend for info on care options and costs etc

[kentishgirl]

Hello

Can anyone recommend somewhere we can go for advice on all the different care options and their costs, or can give us any help on what is really involved in organising everything?

Mum and Dad live independently in own home (other relative owns half of home, can't find out how that effects financing).

Dad has Alzheimers. It's becoming more and more obvious that Mum is overwhelmed looking after him, as she also has some physical issues, but isn't too bad overall for her age. It's more the relentless mental strain of it. But also Dad has been ill for a few days and we as a family weren't able to care for him physically in a good enough way (he was immobile and ended up incontinent, we couldn't move him to clean and make comfortable) and he's been admitted to hospital. He is expected to recover in a week or so and regain mobility.

Mum and Dad have always strenuously resisted any outside agency involvement. They have allowed us to arrange fortnightly cleaner and gardener. Social services have provided a small amount of equipment such as rail down steps, handrails at toilets. They are both terrified of 'going into a home' or anyone outside family 'interfering' or even really knowing about the extent of their problems. They minimise. But it can't continue.

We think they need to move from their rather large and geographically isolated from us house into something more appropriate where Dad can get the care he needs and it isn't all on Mum's shoulders most of the time.

Is sheltered housing appropriate considering Alzheimers and the fact that Dad will only be deteriorating? Is there an option where they can stay together but with the ability to add more care as they need it? How are these things funded? I've found privately run homes that have dementia suites and little 1 or 2 bed apartments, but they no doubt cost a fortune. How would it work with selling their house to pay for care? (we don't mind if this happens, we'd rather they were healthy and ok than get any inheritance). Is this complicated by relative owning half of house? Is it possible to not sell house but rent it out for an income to pay for care? (relative probably wouldn't ask for their half of income).

Just stumped as to what we should be looking at. We would want them to stay together but Dad will need a nursing home in time, I would think. Is that possible?

Sorry it's so long ...just feeling very confused and lost about where to start with all this.

[whataboutbob]

Hi Kentish girl. Others will no doubt come along with more advice and info, but my understanding is if you have 23 000 or more in savings you have to self fund. A family home cannot be forced into a sale by social services if the other spouse or a dependent child lives there. In your case that shuld mean that your parents' half of the property remains safe for your mother to keep. The other relative's 1/2 cannot be touched (I would have thought) but all other assets would have to be used up to the 23000 threshold beforee you get any state funding.
Be very careful about sheltered because many will not allow a person to stay when the dementia worsens (as it inevitably does, alas) and becomes more intrusive in terms of the person requiring ongoing supervision. Then you have to start all over again looking for somewhere for your parent.
The Alzheimers society and Age UK may also have useful advice. Good luck.

[socialworker]

'Extra-care' accommodation may be a suitable option as somewhere your parents could move to together but it may not be too long before your father needs 'nursing dementia' care and I doubt your mother would want to then move with him to a nursing home so she could remain in the extra-care accommodation which is available to buy or rent. If your father is assessed as needing nursing dementia care he should be screened for NHS Continuing Health Care funding and if he qualifies, his nursing home fees would be met by the State in full. CHC funding for dementia care is unfortunately a postcode lottery which is wrong but sadly its the reality.

This dilemma of care for ageing parents is a navigational nightmare but you seem to be thinking along all the right lines and asking the right questions and you might find the forums on the Alzheimers website a useful resource: forum.alzheimers.org.uk. Although there are a lots of websites with relevant information I am not aware of any organisation that will actually help you apply that information to your own parents circumstances taking into account their preferences and wishes as a social worker is trained to do.

[kentishgirl]

Thank you both.

I have found a lovely place today in a good location centrally from the rest of us, and it offers whole of life care, so there are different buildings with different levels of care. They will accept moderate dementia patients in the Assisted Living part, which mum and dad could live in together in an apartment, but it's also a very active looking place and in the middle of town, so Mum could have an improved quality of life there too. She is so isolated at the moment. And then there are dementia care suites available to move on to at a later stage (only Dad) but mum could at least stay on the same site.

Sounds like that would result in selling house to fund care though, but really I'd rather they did that and were happy and ok than tried to cling on to it for us and suffer in the process. They don't owe us a thing.

Sounds like an expensive place though, will need to go see them as wouldn't tell us over the phone 'depends on your package'. It's rental, not places to buy. Sounds ideal to me, but fingers crossed on the costs.

I know they want to return to their own home. I just can't see it happening. I think they'd be happier somewhere new together than Dad going into home by himself.

[socialworker]

Sounds marvellous KG. Rates are nearly always negotiable so once you've been told what the charges are, without compromising on the level of care, try and open up the discussion to find a way of making a lower offer.

Also, if its likely to be necessary, ask about schemes for managing fees pending the house sale (eg the local authority should be able to offer a loan by taking a charge on the property)

Ask also for the home to advise you on Funded Nursing Contribution and NHS CHC