Staying in own home-advice please!

[Allfurcoatandnoknickers]

My mum is 89 and lives (very) independently about half an hour from me and five minutes from my sister. She has rapidly declined in her mobility, due to arthritis, but otherwise is in reasonable health. She was reassessed by social services two weeks ago as being able to have a one hour call in the morning, a tea time call and bed time call of 20 minutes each.
She has had about six falls over the last three weeks, one where she was shaken up but not injured and saw paramedics, the rest where she eventually pressed her alarm pendant and was helped up but wasn't injured. She can't walk unaided at all and has a stair lift.
I personally don't feel she's at all safe in her own home, but she is absolutely adamant that she is staying put, and won't consider a care home. She won't listen to any advice, and is very stubborn to put it mildly!
Do we just sit by and watch her continue with this 'unwise decision' she has made. She has full capacity and so we cannot, as far as I'm aware do anything other than just that....

[SecretSpy]

If she has full capacity then you are a bit stuck, and it sounds like she is at high risk for more falls. I would be concerned that she will keep falling until she breaks a hip or something terrible

Some suggestions - see the GP with her and hope the GP suggests she goes into a placement.

Look at a respite break where she goes to a home for a week or so, to 'give you and your sister a break' and hope she likes it.

[Allfurcoatandnoknickers]

Yes, I feel it will probably come to crisis point where she breaks something. I'm going to try and speak to her GP tomorrow. She definitely won't listen to either myself or my sister, but hopefully the GP might have more success....
Do social services fund respite care, is it financially assessed in the same way as care visits?

[twentyten]

Is live in care an option? It's so hard. Could age uk give advice? Take care of yourself too.

[Allfurcoatandnoknickers]

Not thought about live in care as I thought it would probably be too expensive. Waiting to speak to social services to see if they will increase care, but sadly our local authority are strapped for cash......

[twentyten]

Good luck. A few agencies offer live in.

[OddFodd]

Do you know what she was doing when she fell? You might find that she waits until her carer arrives to get things if she hasn't had regular visits up until now.

Sorry if that's not relevant and she already has daily visits from carers. As far as I know, respite care is funded for short periods

[whataboutbob]

My Dad is basically having care at home, but circumstances are different, he is highly mobile but has dementia. He was putting himself into dangerous situations through wandering and we tried a placement but he went bananas and we had to bring him home (the home manager said they wouldn't be able to cope). He has carers 8 am to 4pm, to make sure he does not get into danger and enable him to do the stuff he likes (mostly cafes, library, going to church, going for drives.
He is self funding as has more than 23000 in savings. The carers cost about 1.5 times the coast of a home so it is very expensive. But I wuld say it is working out well for him, for now at least.
Not sure if your mum is self funding and social services would be unlikely to pay for a generous package ie they may well go for the cheapest care agency etc; also she may not accept carers hanging around her all day (we've been lucky Dad doesn't seem to have a problem with it).
My grandad had Parkinsons and was getting frailer and frailer, falling and staying on the floor for hours, etc. He also refused to leave his home, so in the end of course a severe fall and prolonged hospital stay forced his hand and he went into a home. Sometimes there's nothing you can do but accept a person's decision, even if it appears not to be wise, and be there to pick up the pieces later down the line. Good luck.