I am worried about my fil who I think may be suffering from dementia. Our family situation is difficult and I am not sure what best to do for him. fil has always been a bit odd and he does not have a very good relationship with his sons, even though bil lives with him. Bil tends to stay in his room and not spend time together, but he does help with shopping and some chores. We visit about fortnightly mainly to let him and bil see dd. It is not that he is unpleasant, just a very much set in his odd ways. Also they are all quite anti social and seem happy spending a lot of time alone.
Fil broke his hip 10 years ago and now his leg seems worse than ever. He walks only short distances with two sticks. He cannot go out at all any more and avoids going to church even though they have a minibus, even though he used to be a lifelong churchgoer. His memory is affected and he seems to be very confused. He often says things that turn out not to be correct. One thing I found convinced me he could have dementia is that his neighbour, whose wife had dementia, thinks he has it after talking with him.
Bil and Dh seem resistant to taking fil to the dr. I am sure fil would not want to see dr about his memory but would go about his bad leg and knee and I believe it is possible to ask the dr to look into mental problems in advance of the appointment. But when I talk to dh about it he says there is little point as there is nothing to be done about dementia anyway. When I mentioned the dr to bil he also seemed resistant to taking fil there. Bil seems to be struggling with fil's increasing problems, when we visited today bil blew up over him wearing an old broken pair of glasses and not asking for help to find his normal ones. He says fil will never ask for help and always justifies mistakes caused by this by blaming something or someone else, such as the glasses were blamed on the optician giving him only one pair so he didn't have a spare.
I feel something needs to be done but I need to convince dh and bil that getting medical advice will lead to some practical help and will be worthwhile.
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Elderly parents
worried about fil, possible dementia, family not keen to do anything.
7 replies
livelablove · 26/05/2014 22:45
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