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Elderly parents

Elderly driving??

8 replies

sunny67 · 10/04/2014 18:12

My dad was diagnosed with dementia a couple of months ago and is due to have a CT scan next week. My mum has got cataract on both eyes. Here is the hard bit. Dad wants his driving licence renewed and wants me to do it for him!!
When he saw the memory nurse he told her he'd stopped driving, which he had but only because the battery was flat! I'd made the car sorn so they didn't need to decide straight away to get rid of it. He has swung back and forth on it going. Last week he told me to arrange selling it so I phoned the garage where it came from, they were interested but when I went to get the paperwork my dad has hidden it and said he wants to keep it.
His licence ran out last month, he's 79 and I don't think should drive. My mum has had a letter come in the post saying hers is due to be renewed in June which has prompted my dad about his. Mum doesn't want to drive now but is worried that if he gets his and she doesn't. It must say in this letter about renewing it online and he's convinced I will do it for them both. Sadly he's never been the most reasonable person if you disagree with him so with dementia it's worse. I won't do it for him but I'm not sure the best way to go about explaining it. Would his GP need to get involved? Anyone had experience with this?? Thanks

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CMOTDibbler · 11/04/2014 10:45

The whole thing of not driving is really hard - my mum is convinced that she could still drive despite all evidence to the contrary and that her license has been surrendered.

Its very hard to get a GP to say that someone must stop driving, but by going to the memory clinic, talking to the nurse without your dad there about your concerns, and seeing if they will support you. Its much easier to keep saying 'no, the nurse says you must stop' than 'I don't want you to drive' ime.

Also, it helps if you can offer alternatives to driving - mum and dad have mobility scooters (mums is v slow!) which enable them to go into town/ to the gp/shops, and dad has been delighted with the volunteer car service for when they need to go to the hospital as you only pay petrol, and they drop you at the door so its more convenient. I also got taxi company numbers for him so they have also used that

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lotsofcheese · 11/04/2014 22:37

We had a similar situation with my dad. People with dementia are required to notify DVLA of their diagnosis, also their car insurance provider. DVLA will write to your dad's GP/consultant to clarify, so it's worth making them aware of your concerns.

In my dad's case, he forgot to reply to a letter from DVLA & they revoked his licence. He would have had to re-sit his driving test to get it back, which he would have in all likelihood failed.

I hope things sort themselves out.

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JugglingChaotically · 14/04/2014 21:03

I had a similar situation with my father.
I had a - very very difficult - chat with him and explained that much as I loved him, neither of us would be able to live with the consequences if he killed someone. A child.
He never drove again. Hmm

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twentyten · 17/04/2014 22:08

We were fortunate- able to get local community police officer to talk to mil. It worked !

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creampie · 21/04/2014 15:57

If he has memory problems, he must inform the dvla. Otherwise his insurance and license are invalid. The dvla will then decide if he can continue to drive.

I believe there is a tick box saying you are still fit to drive when you renew your license. If he ticks that, it will be a fraudulent claim. I would be very uncomfortable ticking it on his behalf if you know otherwise.

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BackforGood · 21/04/2014 16:06

It's very difficult for anyone to "admit" to themselves they are 'no longer capable' of driving, and is a hard decision for anyone to take.
The way we finally persuaded my Dad (who admitted his reactions were slower and his hands and arms weaker) was saying to him that we acknowledged he was still capable of driving, and that if there wasn't anyone else on the road we'd have no issue with it, but what if...... and we talked about his grandchildren, and how unpredictable toddlers and small children are, and what if a small child ran out in front of him and he didn't react quickly enough. It was hard. He kept the car in the garage for another 9 or 10 months after he stopped, convincing himself he would get better. Sad
Agree with others about talking to the nurse at the memory clinic and seeing if you can get her on board, but maybe also saying about how you will not commit fraud for him by not letting the DVLA know of his condition.
We also wrote down how much he had been spending on the car - MOT, tax, insurance, before you start of repairs and petrol, and showed him how much that meant he had every year to spend on taxis. My parents had never got taxis anywhere, as it was considered very extravagant, but this almost gave him 'permission' as he was still spending less than when he drove/owned a car.

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MyLifePack · 09/05/2014 16:51

Hi If your parents don't use their bus passes quite a few local authorities have a scheme where you can exchange the bus pass for taxi vouchers. You only pay a proportion of the taxi voucher costs and it's up to you how many you buy but they are only valid for the financial year from 1st April. You don't have to buy them all at once which helps re budgeting Here is a link to the scheme in Manchester tfgm.com/journey_planning/Tickets/Pages/tickets_travel_vouchers.aspx to give you an idea on how it works. So worth looking to see if the local authority where your parents live has something similar. Together with discussing the true cost of running a car inc insurance the fact that discounted taxi fares were available helped my parents decide that driving was no longer for them plus the fact that taxis could drop them and pick them up right at the front door of where they were going -minimising their walking when that was too difficult due to illness/infirmity. Letting them know they are still going to be able to be independent is key :0)

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sunny67 · 15/05/2014 17:49

Thanks for all your replies.
Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has been given medication. He now tells me he wants to sell the car but I'm going to have to call the DVLA as he has chucked all the paperwork for the car! God love him, he hid it when I was going to sort out selling it for him a few weeks ago but mum now tells me that he put it in the bin and she left it there! Ah well.
They do use their bus passes regular but trying to convince them to use taxis is proving hard work. They are if an age where taxis are classed as a luxury. I keep explaining about how much money they will save by not paying road tax, insurance etc but as yet its falling on deaf ears.

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