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Two thirds off fees but still not sure

(34 Posts)

By Fri 06-Nov-09 14:29:22 Add message | Report | Contact poster

Hi, just wondered if anyone had any thoughts about a school dilemma.

I've been offered an admin job at a public school, which comes with an impressive two thirds fee discount. It's still a very expensive school, though, and I'm worried not only that we will still struggle to find the fees but that if I lost my job for any reason we'd have to pull all the children out straight away which is a bit of an oppressive worry for the next 15 years or so.

Also, it's mainly a boarding school, with quite a few overseas pupils, so I'm a bit worried that my children wouldn't have a decent pool of local friends friends to choose from. Plus my worries about them feeling like the "poor relations" amongst their very wealthy school friends and developing life long inadequacy issues.

On top of this, my own salary would be low and all of it would be used to make up the fees shortfall, meaning no way to save for my own pension etc, which my children might not thank me for later.

I'm in a bit of a quandry about it, as it's a once in a lifetime opportunity for my children to get a fabulous education in beautiful surroundings but there are drawbacks. If I don't go for it, we are faced with complications and uncertainties to do with grammar schools etc (no obvious good local comprehensive).

Any thoughts?

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 09-Nov-09 11:52:12

I think that unless it's somewhere you'd want to send them regardless of the discount, then it's too much of an upheaval all round

If you were saying "it's fantastic, it's my dream school" then I'd say go for it ... but you're not, which I think speaks volumes ...

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 09-Nov-09 10:17:35

It would be starting in the prep, but because I'm a natural born pessimist I have based my calculations on the cost of the senior school, and have also mentally factored in an extra 10% on top for all the extras.

It sounds like your situation is working really well namechange, both you and your son getting a lot out of it, which is obviously what I would hope for.

I do agree with your comment Mollie, about the most important consideration being what is right for our children not other people. In terms of education, I am sure this school would give them great benefits. However, what is best for them may not be best for us re pensions etc.

Anyway, no one can make the decision for me (sadly!) so will mull over the posts and give it all a lot of thought. Thanks again for all your helpful comments.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 18:22:07

I know of people who went to Eton because their father was a master there. Financially there is no way they could compete with their peers but they had an education that set them up for life. Ime the truly wealthy wouldn't bat an eyelid and the (less wealthy) ones that would aren't worth the bother. Make the decision on what is right for your children not how you think others will perceive them.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 17:52:24

Hi - we had exactly the same issue, as did a very close friend. Dh teaches at a large traditional independant senior school and we had to choose whether to send our ds (and the rest!) to the prep school, then the senior. DS (sensitive lad) was very happy at his local primary, outstanding ofstead and just lovely all round. We changed our mind continuously for 2 years but in the end went for it. The first year was hard as he struggled with settling in (not a surprise as he took a long time at the previous school too) He is now in his 2nd yr there and is LOVING every minute of it - the sport is the main plus, academically he is blossoming, becoming more confident and he has never and I have never ever been made to feel any different because we are not millionaires. There is such a diverse mix of people and cultures it's fabulous - everything from the vastly wealthy to ordinary families who are foregoing every possible item to be able to afford it. Once my dds go there too I have to work - no choice in the matter and that is the choice we've made. I don't and my friend doesn't regret it for an instant. Are you talking about a senior school or prep? I ask only because the fees for the senior school are double that of the prep for us! Good luck x

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 17:45:53

I would agree about the being a day pupil in a predominantly boarding school would be more of an isse that the comparative wealth. However, if you have real concerns about affordability, then would not do it. One of my Dc is a at a school with seriously rich parents, and although the school does give bursaries to needy families the extras like school trips are eye-watering too, so you need factor those is as well.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 17:41:04

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Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 17:38:50

Thanks both of you.

There is an outstanding comprehensive nearby, which we could use as a fall back if we bought within the catchment. It actually gives the boarding school a run for its money academically (with a saving of about £25,000 pa!!) but I worry that we may become "corrupted" by the lakes, lawns and Elizabethan grandeur etc. It might seem like a bit of a climb down. On the plus side they would have lots of local friends there. One plan could be private until 11, then grammar if they were bright enough and comp as a fall back if financially impossible. I hope this doesn't sound arrogant or patronising as places at the comp are prized.

Moid, your description sounds very like some of our boarding school friends, especially the pack mentality. I guess if your cousins boarded, though, they were a real part of the school community whereas mine might not feel this way as day pupils.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 17:33:27

I understand totally about anxiety around whether or not it is going to be affordable for the forseeable future. Only you can make that choice and I wish you luck in making it. I'd worry a bit about the lack of a pension.

The only other perspective I can offer you is that I attended a boarding school as one of a minority of day pupils and you didn't feel as much part of the community. It does make a difference and you do feel a bit left out. I was able to board in the sixth form and it was much more fun then.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 17:28:15

I would take it but not if it cripples you financially. If you are going to worry constantly at making ends meet, I don't think it's worth it. Children pick up on that sort of financial stress and I'm not sure a private education is worth it (if it means being financially crippled for years).

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 17:25:16

My cousins went to a boarding school as my aunt and uncle were both teachers at the school and my aunt was the housemistress. It is probably the sort of school you are talking about with lots of overseas students.

They have both thrived academically and have done well job wise.

The people who have found it tricky are my aunt and uncle as money has definitely been the be and all for one of my cousins and he has made most of his career decisions based on how much he can earn. Some of his attitudes towards money have been quite odd and definitely an expert at freeloading. Also they seem to exist in a sort of boarding school mentality, moving in large packs with their well connected and high earning friends.

On the plus side, they are great socialisers, move easily in professional world and have friends all over the world.

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Two thirds off fees but still not sure