Calling teachers to level for me a piece of writing.

(56 Posts)
worriedaboutddpleasehelp Thu 25-Apr-13 20:58:32

Very worried about dd at school and found this piece of writing she has recently completed independently at home. It's parents' evening soon and would like some sort of idea where she is before seeing them.

Thanks in advance.

The Dark Shadow
My parents say I’m delusional, they say I’m imagining it but I saw it. It’s coming for me and it won’t give up….
1 day earlier
Chapter 1
Today’s test day
I don’t want to go to school today, I might say I’m sick but I doubt my parents will beleive me, they don’t trust me on anything now I’ve started telling them about the legends of the dark shadow. There’s a legend about a shadow who lives in the dark and pounces at you when you’re most vulnerable, they say I’m silly. I might as well go to school, it’s not like anything news going to happen.
Chapter 2
Our first test was maths, I wouldn’t say it was easy nor impossible. I was on a struggling question when in the corner of my eye I say a blur of darkness at the end of the room. At first I thought I was dreaming until I saw it again in the corridor peering at me. I don’t know whats happening, I think it’s got something to do with me feeling weird all week. I think I’m in danger! My parents won’t believe me, the only person that might is my bff Ashley, of course I’ll need evidence, I’ll ask her at lunch.

Chapter 3
My name’s Maddy, I’m a girl, I eat and drink, I have all the senses. What’s so special about me? Tell me because I can’t think of anything. Hang on a second where am I? I’m really scared now, it’s really dark in here wherever I am. I’m really panicking now…
AAH! OMG! Something really weird just happened, I shot light out of my hand. I’m getting out of here.

Chapter 4
I did some research and apparantly light weakens the shadow but not even the light of the whole world would destroy it, you would need the light of the universe plus the stars and some bonus light but even then there would be a hint of it left.
Chapter 5
I’m on my way to tell Ashley. Here she is, I said
“Hey Ashley, I need to tell you something”
“What?”
I explained to her, she didn’t believe me. I’m gonna walk away AAAh!
“Help” It was the dark shadow but this time he was approaching me. Ashley screamed. I panicked. No, I couldn’t have I did it again, I shot light out of my hands again.

dollywashers Tue 30-Apr-13 10:48:26

I would say 4b too.

worriedaboutddpleasehelp Mon 29-Apr-13 15:43:26

Thanks. That's useful to know about the semi colons. We've already done some work on full stops and commas and I'll get her to edit this piece when she is ready.

bella65 Mon 29-Apr-13 14:53:21

p.s.- I really wouldn't worry about semi colons now- I find many 15/16 yr olds struggle with those. They are a very subtle use of punctuation which most adults don't have a clue how to use! Get the basics right first- commas and full stops.

bella65 Mon 29-Apr-13 14:48:48

I teach secondary English and honestly thought this was the work of a year 7 or 8 child until I read your other posts.

This

Chapter 4
I did some research and apparantly light weakens the shadow but not even the light of the whole world would destroy it, you would need the light of the universe plus the stars and some bonus light but even then there would be a hint of it left.

is actually way above an average year 4 level. Yes, she can't use full stops and uses commas instead most of the time. She's also a bit iffy with apostrophes for omission, and confused knew/ new- but she does know how to punctuate dialogue which many older children don't.

As diary entries or personal writing it's good- but she needs to avoid using things like OMG which would not be acceptable unless in a diary or quoting 'text speak' etc.

I still think the maturity of the concepts is way above a yr 4 pupil though.

clam Sun 28-Apr-13 14:58:14

balloonslayer - that's just what teachers have been saying for years! But Ofsted/the government insist that children's writing has to tick certain boxes in order to "count" as a child having made progress. It's very frustrating.

BalloonSlayer Sun 28-Apr-13 12:06:05

Bugger the levels, that's a great piece of writing, wonderful atmosphere: chilling and scary. I would like to have read more.

worriedaboutddpleasehelp Sun 28-Apr-13 11:59:57

I am pretty sure we don't have a day to day maths assessment to go by as the different teachers have been supply and work can't have been set according to where pupils are at as they don't know themselves. We have been told the reason we've had no meeting since the start of the year is because they don't have the information about levels for us and need more time to level.

worriedaboutddpleasehelp Sun 28-Apr-13 11:57:06

Thanks for all the responses. Yes, we have been told by the LA and governors as well as Ofsted reports that past levelling cannot be relied upon as the school have incorrectly levelled in the past, not moderated and external moderation enforced upon them has shown their levelling to be inaccurate.
I am working with her on basic use of commas and full stops and I think she is confusing how sentences can be linked together ie by the use of a semi colon. Had she grasped the basics in using commas and full stops I think she would be ready for semi-colons as she is trying to link sentences.
It's a bit of a mess and I can only assume that I am now seeing the result of inconsistent teaching over the years as surely she should have mastered this a long time ago.
I will get her to edit this piece of writing when I feel she is ready to.

bigTillyMint Sun 28-Apr-13 11:20:45

Pozzled, I agree.

But given that the class seem to have had a number of supply teachers and "Her school has been severely criticized by Ofsted for their lack of moderation and inaccuracies in levelling", I thought that at least a test score might give a reasonably reliable idea of her levelhmm

ReluctantlyBeingYoniMassaged Sun 28-Apr-13 11:12:53

Level 5? No way.

Pozzled Sat 27-Apr-13 20:45:41

donnie This is absolutely NOT a level 5 piece of writing. I honestly would not even level it as a 4. The OP's DD has a lot of potential, but she needs to sort her basic punctuation. Also, the tenses are accurate and the writing is hard to follow in places (ch 4). It is extremely misleading to say that this is a child who may be working towards level 6.

And bigTillymint maths assessments are not just based on a test score- where did you get that idea? They are based on the child's day to day performance in maths and whether they have mastered the wide range of skills on the APP grids.

worriedaboutddpleasehelp Sat 27-Apr-13 18:27:04

Dd was told she got 4 wrong for her maths sats so 4a in assessment but that teacher left and didn't pass on the marks to the school so they have said they are going by first teacher assessments which for dd are 3a. My point to them was she has never been given class work differentiated past what they give to all pupils on top 3 tables so how would they would know. They also said sats are a one off. Trouble is no one is invested in the class beyond a few days and no one higher up to talk to as they are the root of the problem according to the ofsted.
I haven't seen her writing other than this or a long time so no idea how it compares.

bigTillyMint Sat 27-Apr-13 18:12:28

If all her writing is of this calibre, then the teachers should be levelling her as a 4. What is her maths like - surely they can't get the levelling on that wrong as it is a test score with mark boundaries!

worriedaboutddpleasehelp Sat 27-Apr-13 18:09:56

I've typed it exactly as written including paragraphs. Moving her isn't an option as she is happy there with friends and has anxiety problems we are waiting list for professional help for. A move would cause more harm than good overall. I would like her to try for super selective but difficult to know if she has a chance.

bigTillyMint Sat 27-Apr-13 18:03:35

I'd say easily a secure level 4 (4b) or maybe high 4, but would need to see the original. It is a mature piece of writing with a definite style and good use of vocabulary.

It sounds like the school is in crisis. Are you happy to ride the storm in the hopes that it improves or are you thinking about moving her?

worriedaboutddpleasehelp Sat 27-Apr-13 16:58:30

Donnie, isn't her basic use if commas completely wrong? Surely that's the basics.

worriedaboutddpleasehelp Sat 27-Apr-13 16:57:15

Really donnie? She got 3c in writing at end of y2 and is still only 3b coming to end of y4. Her most recent teacher lasted two weeks and not sure if coming back as they have yet again someone else.

donnie Sat 27-Apr-13 15:36:31

It is way higher than a 3A. It has sophisticated lexical choices - eg 'delusional', 'apparently' as well as a very impressive range of sentences structures and punctuation choices. It is without doubt at the high end of level 5 if not into level 6 (I haven't taught ks2 for a while).

worriedaboutddpleasehelp Sat 27-Apr-13 10:50:52

Is it worth teaching her semi colons at the same time as I think some of the sentences where she has used a comma could use instead a semi colon. However, it would look odd with so many. Do I just focus on commas and don't mention semis? confused

worriedaboutddpleasehelp Fri 26-Apr-13 22:05:29

Will do. Thanks again. Tried some of the questions with her and she does have to learn the basics about commas.

Pozzled Fri 26-Apr-13 19:43:43

Good luck! Once she gets that sorted, she should quickly move through the levels as she's so confident at other aspects of writing. Let us know how you get on at parents' evening as well- I'll be interested to see what they're assessing her at.

worriedaboutddpleasehelp Fri 26-Apr-13 18:49:32

Ok. Bought punctuation book today and going to go back to basics.

worriedaboutddpleasehelp Thu 25-Apr-13 22:02:16

She did say other children had punctuation marked.

ReluctantlyBeingYoniMassaged Thu 25-Apr-13 22:01:02

It could be that that particular piece of work wasn't being assessed for punctuation.

worriedaboutddpleasehelp Thu 25-Apr-13 21:57:16

Yes, much better idea to look at the book as a whole rather than one piece. I will still make a start at the weekend though.

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