Apparently, my DD's 2 best friends are the naughtiest girls in the class.

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my daughter started school in year 2 after being home educated. She has severe learning difficulties, although she's in a main stream school with a one to one support lady. My daughter is extreamly loving, polite and friendly, but is very easily lead as she is eagre to please.

The teachers say that she has settled in very well, she loves school and has many friends. One of her best friends has ADHD and although, I think she's lovely, but very, very active! (we had her sround to play) apparently she is very disruptive in class. Her other best friend, who again, I think is lovely, is apparently very naughty in class and also a bully. (I find this hard to believe)

It was another mum who told me about the girls, while her DD was at ours to play. Her DD agreed and said how they keep disrupting the lessons.
The mum said I should try to steer My DD away from them, but I know that's impossible, and from what I can tell, they are very good friends to my DD.

To be honest, I've decided not to say or do anything about it. Is this a mistake? I think the fact that my DD has a one to one, means that she isn't given an inch and has no chance of misbehaving.

Is ignoring her comments the right thing to do? I don't really want my DD looking up to these girls when they are behaving badly, but what can I do, my DD is crazy about them and they seem like nice girls to me.

[mummyloveslucy]

I should also mention that on her first parents evening, the teacher did say that the friendship between the girls isn't encouraged in the class. They have to sit far appart, although they always play together at breaks.

My DD does tend to hero worship and every one and everything is either bad or good. There is nothing inbetween for her.

[mummyloveslucy]

bump

[claig]

I think you are right not to do anything.
Lucy likes who she likes. She must see some qualities in these girls that she likes. You like them too, so they are not one-sided. They may ne naughty, but they also are nice.

It sounds like the teachers split them up and are on top of it.

[webwiz]

It sounds as if the teacher is keeping an eye on things and you are doing the right thing by having the girls round to tea and making your own mind up rather than listening to gossip.

Your DD sounds lovely OP (and so do you), there obviously isn't a problem in the class itself for your DD and she seems happy to be friends with these girls. Do you feel that there is adequate supervision at break times to make sure your DD isn't dominated too much?

[claig]

Naughty ones are always bolder and often more interesting and exciting and that is probably what Lucy likes.

William Brown and Dennis the Menace were naughty, butthat is why books were written about them.

[mummyloveslucy]

Thank you.

Actually, Lucy's favourate books are, My naughty little sister, Horrid Henry and the naughtiest girl at school. I think that says something.

[mummyloveslucy]

I don't think there is much supervision at plat times, as this is the only time, Lucy has had any problems, with older children saying hurtful comments too her eg "why do you speak funny?" and you're too big to be in year 2. She is very tall, and is sensitive about this. The teacher is going to give her a year 6 buddy, to watch over her at play times.

[claig]

[webwiz]

Sounds like she needs her friends as allies then at playtime.

[mummyloveslucy]

That's true.

[DeWe]

Firstly I wouldn't listen to gossip. Some parents love to knock other children. She may resent that your dd is pairing up with others that aren't her dd.
Also some parents shout bullying with no cause. There was one in dd1's year whose parents were constantly in complaining she was being bullied. They'd pick on someone and hammer at the school for about a term and then move on to the next victim.

Your dd may need strong characters to help stick up for her, so I wouldn't knock that.

Also you can't separate friends as easily as that. I know parents go in and ask for their child to be separated, but if they migrate together at lunch/break/free play, there's only limited amount they can do.

And then think of the hurt of the other chilren. You'd be saying your dd can't be friends with them because for one they have SN, and for the other on a bit of gossip.

If they sit apart during the class it won't be effecting your dd's behaviour in class anyway.

[CecilyP]

The other mum sounds excessively bossy if she is suggesting that you steer your DD away from these friends. I think you are right to ignore her, as these girls, irrespective of their behaviour in class, sound like really good friends to your DD. Don't forget that how they behave in class may bear little relation to how they are as children in other situations. I know DS had a friend that came to our house a lot, who we took out a lot and who was absolutely no trouble at all, yet on parents evening, the teacher mentioned that J was very disruptive in class, which came as a real suprise to me.

I also agree with claig that the teachers seem on top of the classroom situation.

[mummyloveslucy]

Thanks everyone. That's reasured me that I'm doing the right thing.