Behaviour again - Year 1

[shades1]

I've had a letter home from school that DS teacher wants me to come in as there are issues about his behaviour that I need to be aware of.

in summary the year started fine, he joined forces with another boy who is outright silly - he has taught DS to swear and my son basically copies him being an idiot. I watch my son mix with him his eyes glaze over and it's like a switch being flicked. DS got moved onto idiot boys table in school and his behaviour has deteriorated since then.

at parents evening we agreed to a reward chart for DS to improve his silly behaviour in class, it's been going 3 weeks - week 1 13/20 smiley faces, week 2 19/20 and last week 14/20 so he didn't get any rewards at home at the weekend as they only start at 15 smiley faces.

DS has told us that he was with idiot boy today and another boy X was there, apparently idiot boy and X aren't allowed to play together so my DS tried to get them to go to the teacher, X took DS cap off him so he pushed him over, the other boy cut both his knees, he is a lot smaller than DS, DS got told off for pushing and told that X was a lot weaker than him.

I feel like I'm at the end of my tether, I'm so upset tonight, my stomach is churning, I'm going to see DS teacher tomorrow and DH and I have told DS not to play with this boy, and I want his teachers to seperate them in class too.

I'm prepared to work with the school to help modify his behaviour but I want their help too - will I be making an unreasonable request

please help me get some perspective on this

[Milliways]

You're not being unreasonable at all! I'm sure the teacher should help as it will also make her life easier.

In Yr1 they want to be friends with everyone, & idiots can be exciting. They tend to find their own level of friends quite soon though.

Good luck!

[shades1]

my worry is that he likes to make other children laugh and thinks idiot boy is hilarious - I've given DS strict instructions not to play with this boy from now on - which I know the head didn't want me to do but I'm so frustrated

[Blossomhill]

Although I do have sympathy shades1 I also think blaming another child for your own child's behaviour is unfair. At the end of the day it was your ds that pushed the other boy over not IB, as you put it.

[shrub]

have you tried distancing him from this boys behaviour so when he copies the behaviour, you could say 'oh your pretending to be *, I don't like that voice, I like it much better when you are being yourself' type of thing? we had this problem a while ago and it helped.

[shades1]

BH - i know that which is why I've said I'm prepared to work on his behaviour with the school, but I honestly feel that the other boys behaviour is a major contributing factor and every time we take a step forward with DS we go back he comes home every night with comments of "IB did this, IB said this, do you know what ....." he is very enaamoured by this other boys behaviour.

Shrub - we weren't doing that on advice from head, however we have now said that his behaviour is unacceptable and DS is not to behave like him.

I know DS is not an angel and he has to take the consequences of his behaviour, no matter how or where learned, he is responsible for how he behaves and we do make this clear to him, but it must be very very difficult for a child trying to be good to be distracted by another.

I've watched this boy coming home, throwing himself on the floor, into bushes, making high pitched silly noises befitting a 3 year old to make my DS laugh, whilst I'm growling don't you dare do that to my DS, but whilst I'm not there to check his behaviour it HAS to be really attractive to join in with him, even though he knows he shouldn't.

[shades1]

do I share my concerns about the boy who acts like an idiot and tell the teacher why i would like DS moved away ?

[shades1]

also we have a chart at home that if DS gets 15 smiling faces there is a corresponding reward - should I share that with his teachers ?

[Blossomhill]

I would go and tell the teachers everything. Be completely honest about your feelings. It may be that as your ds and IB don't mix well the school may encourage that as much as they can to keep them apart (obv. they can't do at playtimes).
I am sure that they want to help as much as possible. Good luck.

[emob]

Shades1, really sorry to hear what your going through,i'm having the same sort of problems with my ds in yr2. it's so hard to know what to do and not make the situation worse or sound melodramatic. But after lots of heartache and worrying myself, i still think it's best to go in to see the teacher and tell her how you feel.your sons welfare has got to come first and if its affecting his schooling and home life,then you have to act. good luck