teachers (yr 1) how do deal with this sort of talk?

[mumofthreebeauties]

My son today told someone he would put a match in the classroom and burn it.



Then he told a boy he would cut his mouth up.

He doesn't do this at home. Occasionaly he will say stuff like, I'll throw you away, I don't love you any more if he's angry.

I am very conerned about him talking like this. It only happens occasionally - not every week but I don't understand why or what he is feeling.

I worried he may be a future arsenist........etc.

Please help

[mumofthreebeauties]

I haven;t a clue.

The match could be that we went to a firework display at the school last night.

The others I just don't know. Athome they don't watch violent tv. They are only allowed to watch cbeebies, nick jr and tiny pop.

I am at a loss and very worried for him and also very embarassed.

[Pinotmum]

Have you discussed the consequences with him - what would happen, what does HE think would happen. Sometimes children think life is like Tom and Jerry cartoons and that you can get run over and still can get up and continue the chase.

[joanna4]

It could be playground talk no matter how hard you try to police what they watch and are privy to in your home you cannot unfortunately police what is said at school.It might not be that but its possible or has he suddenly got a new friend that can sometimes be cause.

[mumofthreebeauties]

The thing that concerns me is that the school are going to get him assessed by a ed psych.

Yet they didn't do anything to discipline him - no loss of privileges, nothing.

I stopped himgoing swimming and banned treats and tv tonight. He says he doesn;t know why he did it. how do you work out what was goin on in his head? He says he didn;t do it to hurt the other boy which is something.

[joanna4]

You need to go in a nd explain how you are working on the problem at home and tell them you require them to punish him accordingly ie loss of playtime etc that sort of thing. The school will have a policy and something set out for this kind of thing at our schoool it is traffic lights at the mo.
If they are having him assessed by the ed psych it must be for more than this does his behaviour affect his learning at all.

[mumofthreebeauties]

The reason they are having him assessed by ed psych is because in the first few weeks of last termhe was doing stuff like:

when angry he would say i'll kill you

he would put his arms around other childrens legs when on the carpet.

After the teacher raised these things i talked to him and he said it was because:
he didn;t think mrs xxxxxx would tell me
he was sad because xxxx wasn;t with him anymore (xxx is his twin and they are sperated for the first time in Sept in diff. classes)

Since I had this chat there has been no incidents and until Friday he'd had a clean slate.

So far anything he's done at school he hasn;t had any consequences for. All his teacher said was that if he carrid on doing these things he would be sent to the head.

I know he's no angel but at home he know what happens and we don't have any issues with him. He is a well behaved good boy.

[BadHair]

My ds1 went through a similar stage when he was 3 - told his nursery teacher he would throw her over the wall and kill her, and other such charming utterances.

We worked out that he'd probably got the kill you bit from an Eastenders trailer that he'd seen on TV, but don't know about the wall. We had a talk and for the most part it stopped.

He's 5 now and still occasionally uses violent language, but isn't violent himself. Quite the opposite. Like your ds he's said he would cut my mouth off because I was telling him off, and when he's angry he tells me doesn't want a mummy anymore. I think it's because he knows it's wrong, and knows it's shocking, so he does it for a reaction. I deal with by ignoring him or laughing if it's nothing too bad, or by first ignoring it then having a quiet talk in his bedroom if it's more serious.

I'm not actually worried about him anymore as for the most part he's a happy, well adjusted little boy, but a couple of years back I began to wonder what was going to become of him!

[BadHair]

Posted too soon. Meant to say that it sounds like your ds is doing like mine did - saying this stuff for a reaction. He's worked out that if he put a match in the room it would burn which would be bad, and cutting someone is bad, so he knows he'd get some sort of response.

Why do the school want to Ed Psych him? It doesn't seem like much to me, or have their been other instances?

[mumofthreebeauties]

No, no other instances.

I don;t know what the outcome will be. At home he is charming, loving, caring and good fun. He plays nicely with his twin and his older sister.

He works well at school and is in the top group within his class. His writing is far better than his twin brothers and his reading is ok.

He follows lego instructions and builds great models.

I don't know if the school are overreacting and over assessing. I don;t think he disturbs the class it;s more at playtime he does things.

He did have a hard time settling in and missed his twin and his is a mixed class and he didn ;t like being with reception children and redoing books he'd read in reception.