Settling in at secondary school

[rosepetal]

My ds has just started secondary school. The first week seems to have gone well and he's very excited about the school generally. The hardest thing is that he knows no-one else at the school at all. Just wondering if anyone could offer any tips on how to help him get integrated and find friends. I've made contact with some parents and he's going to travel back with some of the other children next week. I don't want to push him into anything or orchestrate too much but he's a naturally quiet child, not that easy socially, and I'd like to help where I can. Breaktimes and lunch are the most difficult times. Any advice very welcome!

[happymerryberries]

Have a quiet word with his new form tutor and see if he/she can place your son with a 'buudy' from the class, just something as simple as asking your son to do some jobs with one or two other children, shevle books or send them on an errand?

I'm a form tutor of y7s and I wouldn't mind if a parent phoned with concerns like this.

I'm sure your ds will settle though, they are all in a bit of a turmoil atm, however 'cool' some of them may look on the outside

[Freckle]

DS1 has just started at secondary too. Although there are boys in his class from his primary school, he doesn't seem to have spent any time with them. He has become friendly with two "strange"(!) boys who sit either side of him in class. He too is not that easy socially (less so since I had to withdraw him from primary school in May this year because of unacceptable bullying), but he has integrated quite well.

I'm sure there will be other boys like your ds who don't know anyone, so they will be in a similar boat. I think hmb's suggestion is a good one. Has he spoken about the children he sits next to at all? Is there something you could do, such as switch him to packed lunches (or vice versa) if boys he would like to be friendly with have packed lunches but he has school dinner? This might only have to be a temporary measure until he has settled.

[rosepetal]

He seems reasonably happy at the moment - I'm probably worrying unnecessarily as I know he can be awkward when it comes to making friends. The school did give him a buddy and that helped him find his way around the place which was good. I've asked him about who's he's sitting next to etc but he can't remember anyone's name!

It's a private school so only one third of the Y7s are new - the rest have come up from the juniors. I suspect this might make it harder as most of his class are 'old hands'. The whole thing is a bit of a culture shock anyway! He's never worn uniform before, never had school dinners before (they all have them), never played proper football before - I could go on... I'm sure he'll be fine - we chose the school because we think it's right for him in the long run but I guess it'll be harder at first and inevitably if problems do come up we'll wonder if it's the right decision. I realise it's very early days...

[tatt]

sympathy, rosepetal. One of mine has just started secondary with two friends but is still finding it very strange. Ask the form teacher if they can suggest names you could invite around. Why schools can't invite volunteer mums in to get the kids playing together I don't know!

[auntymandy]

Just time!
They soon settle!
My eldest was never sociable at primary school and I really worried about him. He made friends! If he can anyone can!
School mixes them up and they have to form new friendships, even if they go up with old friends chances are they wont have a class with them!