Bullying & Friendship Groups

[katymac]

The head has suggested a friendship group for dd (7) who has been bullied (about being mixed race or brown as she calls it)

I would rather the bully was put in the friendship group as it is her that has the problem rather than my dd

Is this a normal way of dealing with it?
Does it work?

[katymac]

No as far as I'm aware

I don't want her victimised because of what she has said, she's only little and it's not her fault she has been badly brought up (or taught racism - she almost certainly didn't work it out for herself)

[happymerryberries]

We use assertiveness training for sudents who are bullied. This helps to prevent 'repeat' bullying (by new bullies IYSWIM). I would think that anything that can be done to make your dd more assertive and confident you reduce the likelyhood of a repeat at a later stage. It can be highly sucessful

[happymerryberries]

But bullies are also dealt with

[katymac]

Is it better to make the child being bullied more assertive or to control the bully?

Is this singleing out my dd even more?

[debutante]

In my school we use friendship groups to help child develop closer friendships with one another for a variety of reasons. Basically to build peer support. I think that it will help other children to see your dd strengths and to become buddies for her and she will definitely benefit in a variety of ways. Sadly as you say much bullying is down to sheer bloody ignorance on the part of other parents which is transmitted to the children.
I am sure the bully wil be dealt with and may even be part of another friendship group where perhaps they try and devlop the child's ability to be more sensitive and aware of other's feelings.
no parent likes their child to be unhappy, we run several friendship groups at a time in a year group. I would be pleased that my child was getting some small group time with a trained adult so hope that over the next few weeks you will see some positive outcomes for your child. Let us know.

[katymac]

Thanks the school only has 65 pupils & this is the only FG
So the bully is not getting any help - poor kid

[debutante]

Maybe the bully will get a turn after your dd? Is your dd the only child who has suffered because of this reason as it is such a small school?

[katymac]

Yep

Child keeps on with little niggling comments maybe one or two a day - all negative about DD & her colour and being ugly

I feel so sorry for the other child, how warped are her social shere if this is her view of a significant friend

DD has been invited to her party and I'm not sure what to do

[debutante]

Have the school had to deal with this sort of ignorance/fear before? If it is a predominantly "white" school are they not perhaps dealing with it as well as they might? Please don't take offence about the "white" bit, only in the school I teach some kids have never seen a child whose skin is not white and thin all sorts of wierd things not from racism but sheer ignorance- think they have just been on holiday for ages, that it might rub off. sounds crazy I know but it is out there. Does school have pictures of all types displayed? Is a variety of skin colours provided for the self portraits etc Is there lots of PSHE going on? I think they may be hoping that the other chidren in the FG will put this bully well and truly in its her place by blasting away her horrid little comments.

[katymac]

All white school - but savvie and competant teachers (well 2 out of 3)

It's M/C resources need updating - but they are there and visible

In reception dd & her teacher got into a big argument cos teacher wanted DD to use the "brown" skin coloured paints for her self portrait and ddwanted to use the "pink"

The other children are unlikely to help as they are all there 'cos they are shy and have confidence issues

DD used to be over confident - but we realise now this 'bulling' (for want of a better word) has prob been going on for up to 2 yrs

[debutante]

Poor thing. If you don't think that this is going to help dd then say so, get them to really be frank with you about their expectations for the group and most particularly your dd

[katymac]

At this stage I'm going to go alog with them

Anything is better than nothing and FG get to do treats (like make popcorn)

I'm considering moving her but I'm not sure

[debutante]

I am sure it will benefit her.. moving her is a big step especially as she has been used to a small school and I guess any of the alternatives would be bigger. Do you actually know the other child's parents if it is a small community.. is the child jealous of you dd for other reasons?

[katymac]

One of the alternatives is smaller ( that's why I'm not sure)

I know child & parents V well (that's why it's a Bu&&er)

I used to mind the child - but mum has a new job

I keep telling DD that she is jealous - but dd & I can't work out why?

[debutante]

Child maybe just sees yours as a threat not for any particular reason.
Good lick , let me know what happens.

[debutante]

oops- good luck!

[katymac]

Thanks - I'm off to bed now
KMc