Help! Just been offered a place at primary school but..

[bluebear]

ds starts at another school tomorrow. We only bought the uniform on Monday.

Our local school is over-subscribed so we applied for 2 other not so local schools.

He was given a place at the 'least popular' which is OK but needs rebuilding. From half term ds's classroom is going to be knocked down and he will be moved to a pre-fab for at least 2 years, with all the children sharing a much reduced playground whilst the new school is built. We like the headmaster but I don't like the general area around the school (have to go down an alley to get to the entrance, past pot-smoking teenagers).

School 2 has just rung and offered us a place - we haven't even looked at this one but it has a very good reputation and is the same distance away as the first school...and no building work disruption.

Ds does not cope well with changes, we have spent weeks building him up with details about his school and what to expect. He is only just 4 and still has 40min screaming tantrums (lying on floor type) when he gets disturbed by something.

My gut feeling is to turn down the place and let him settle where he expects to go....but on the other hand, it is supposed to be a 'better' school and the disruption of the building work may counteract the disruption of moving him now.

Someone guide me please!

[Eaney]

When would he be expected to start at the school just offered or when would they expect you to accept the place offered?

[bluebear]

Not sure how long I've got, they just left a voice mail message offering the place. I need to ring back during school hours.

[philippat]

perhaps he could start at the new one in january?

[Eaney]

Something similiar happened to me about 4 days before due to start new school. I opted to stay with the school I had originally been offered but now I wish I had had a look at the school that was offered late. On paper they were about the same but when I mention to parents that I was offered a place at X school they always look at me as if to say why are you here.

I just wish I had at least looked at the other school and then made my decision. If you can, try delay having to accept the new school and ask for a look around. Given the late notification I think you are probably entitled to contact both schools and explain that you need a couple of days to make this important decision.

[bluebear]

Thanks for answering - I am panicing a bit.... Sounds like a good plan ks!
I don't want to mess up his chances of getting into a good school just because of what may end up being a couple of weeks of upset.....but he's a strange soul and it's the sort of thing that could blow his mind.

[tortoiseshell]

bluebear, I would go with the new one. Yes he'll be upset, but as you say the building work may disrupt him just as much. It sounds like you would really regret it if you didn't!

[Blu]

Read the ofsted tonight (you can google for it), call school 1 first thing tomorrow and say DS has tummy upset can't start today, hope better tomorrow- call school 2 and go in and visit immediately and if all ok start school 2 the day after!! If you don't like it, take him to school 1 as planned but a day and a half late!

School 2 may well have a waiting list, so they won't want you to dilly dally too much.

If school 2 is better, go for it. A bit of disruption now is much better than something you will regret in the longer term.

Then see if you can return uniform items or flog them to someone else.

[bluebear]

It's so mad - we checked our place on the waiting list for the local school (18th and we only live 4 roads away), but I didn't even think of checking the second choice school waiting list - it's generallly oversubscribed, just put it down because dh wanted to.

Eaney - yes - it sounds the same situation as you - looks quite similar SATs etc but local reputation is very poor for one and great for the other...don't know how much is just snobbery though (the 'building site' school has a large council estate next to it - the others are in middle class areas)

[SoupDragon]

Move him. The disruption of building work will be far worse than the disruption of starting at a different school to that which he expects. Unless he has friends going to the first one?

[Passionflower]

Please, please don't be offended, but could your DS have aspergers?

Reason I ask is that my SS is high functioning Aspergers and your description of his reaction to changes and things that disturb him struck a cord.

[bluebear]

Passionflower - I've had 3 friends seperately suggest that he has Aspergers - I suppose it is a possibility - at the moment I am hoping that his personality is mainly caused by the hearing loss and speech delay he had for the first 3 years of his life. He seems to have lots of sensory 'overload' for want of a better description, and has an enormous tantrummy temper for tiny little things, mainly things that are 'out of routine'... hence my reticence in changing what he's expecting to happen. His writing and general 'academic' intelligence seem fine, but his social skills, language and speech seem a bit behind.

Soupdragon - yes he has a friend who he has been to nursery with since he was 9months who is going to be in the same class at the original school - The little boy is very fond of ds,but tbh ds doesn't really attach to friends yet - he does his own thing and other kids tend to join him..he likes his own company. (He sounds more aspergers by the minute doesn't he)
He does have a friend at the other school, but there are 3 classes so we don't know if they'll be together or not.

Dh and I have just read through the most recent ofsteds and when you put them side-by-side there is no doubt which is the better school. I am thinking of taking him to the original school tomorrow (as he is expecting it) and ringing the other one back to arrange some sort of visit maybe tomorrow pm...and take it from there.

Oh, and I'm going to have to sort out childcare all over again I guess, he was going to go to breakfast club but the new school doesn't have one.

Thanks again to everyone, I've stopped shaking at last.

[SoupDragon]

Which will freak him out the most - going to the original school tomorrow as expected and then subsequently going to the new school or not going to the original school but straight to the new one slightly later?

At DSs school, they expect you to move your child immediately a place is available so there may not be much of a delay.

[MarsLady]

go with gut every time!

[sunnydelight]

We agonised over moving DS2 for over a year. The reasons we wanted to change him are too boring to detail here, but basically we kept him where he was because we thought he couldn't cope with the change; we eventually did the deed at the beginning of last half term (towards the end of year 1) and I just wish I had the guts to do it sooner. He was happy and settled within a week. I can understand that you are afraid your son is expecting one thing and will get something else; only very confident children truly welcome change but most of them adapt fairly quickly. It sounds like you would prefer him to go to the school you have just been offered so personally I would go for it - best of luck.

[KBear]

Bit late notice anyway if he's starting tomorrow, logistically I mean, uniform etc. I think use your head for this one not your heart IYKWIM. Think about his long term happiness not just tomorrow. Good luck. Tough choice.

[fireflyfairy2]

Personally, I would prefer not to send him to the original school tomorrow on the off chance that you will probably prefer school #2. It may confuse him even more to go to one school tomorrow and then to another the following day or even go to school #1 for a dew days and then to school#2. Could you perhaps leave it tomorrow, go and visit school#2 and see how it goes from there... maybe you could even sell on the 1st Uniform and get enough money to purchase the second Uniform
I have a hubby who has aspergers.. and he HATES change... or disruption... it's like a minefield in this house manys a night

[nikkie]

If you are considering aspergers don't forget to check the SEN provision, and building diruption will be a nightmare if he doesn't like change.

[bluebear]

OK - we have decided that we want him to go to the new school. The childcare implications are horrendous but we will manage somehow.

Now my only worry is exactly as Soupie said...which will freak him out more..not going to school tomorrow morning (which we have spent weeks telling him about, and which he has already had a trial visit at. He's met his teacher already and spent time playing in the classroom so it's not as if he hasn't been at all.) Tomorrow he's only expected to go for 2 hours.

Or, we could take him for his 2 hours tomorrow, then hopefully visit the other school to look around in the afternoon and start preparing him for the change...

I'm for taking him tomorrow and then changing schools, dh is tempted towards keeping him out of school until the new one is sorted out....either way I think we're in for tantrum central for the short term.

And if any parents of Asperger's children are reading this...if they are academically normal is there any point in trying to get investigations etc.? (I'm still trying to believe that it's bad parenting and hearing problems though )

[roisin]

Bluebear - no way would I take him to the other school tomorrow. I think that would confuse him more, and make the potential changes more difficult to cope with. Can you make another plan for tomorrow morning instead? A special trip out.

(My ds1 is very quirky about routines, doesn't cope well with change and uncertainty. We saw an Ed Psych who said he may have Aspergers. But atm we have decided not to pursue a diagnosis. He's 8 now, btw.)

[tamum]

bluebear, I always hesitate to say this because I know it can be better to get a diagnosis, but for what it's worth my ds was very like yours. I would have found it very, very hard to contemplate moving him in this situation (although I think it's the best thing to do, and I would have gone through with it somehow). He stayed at a nursery I would have preferred to move him from because it was just unthinkable to have to change his routine to that extent. He also had sensory issues (not that I knew they were called that at the time) and many other AS traits. However, by the time he was just over 5 he had outgrown the vast majority of these problems and he is emphatically NT now. School really, really suited him, he loved the rigidity of the routines. I don't want to sound as though I am airily saying "oh he'll grow out of it", but it is possible that he will get better in a year or so, and maybe careful monitoring is all you need do at the moment. I hope the new school is great!

[bluebear]

Thanks Tamum. That's really helped. We have also kept him in the same nursery since he was 9 months old, through my maternity leave and dh's redundancy, because we couldn't think of changing his routines.
Dh is now re-reading ofsted and thinking about keeping him in original school again ARGH!

Roisin - I don't think that he understands that school is more than a day trip, if you see what I mean, his language skills are a little delayed so conversations about time mean very little to him. His world tends to be very immediate, he can cope with knowing what is happening tomorrow but can't 'look forward' to something happening at the weekend for instance.

[Blu]

Call the 2nd school as early as poss - because they will be wanting to hear from you and get it sorted, because of waiting list situation, and takle DS to 1st school for the allotted 2 hours, and then say to him - that's it, you went to that school, well done!2 asif it was only ever going to be a one-off visit! the (having discussed this with the 2nd school) start on the preparation for the 'even more fun' visit to the 2nd (and permanent) school?

[bluebear]

Well, we did a compromise finally...ds got to wear his uniform but I told him that I didn't know which school he was going to go to...and we visited the new school. He met his new teachers and saw the classroom (which had a big brio railway in which is a ds obsession so that scored points). I loved the school so I bribed him with whatever he wanted from the argos catalogue plus trips on the top decks of double decker buses to get to argos and he agreed to go to the new school....phew.

We even found out that the friend who is going to the original school is only number 6 on the waiting list for the new one so hopefully they'll be reunited before christmas.

Many thanks to everyone who held my hand through this..You're all great!