Just discovered divorcing; financial crisis - losing house?

[BucketofDinosaurs]

Right.

Well, I am unexpectedly shortly going to be a single parent of a beautiful, loving and exuberant 23 month old daughter. All rather a shock. My hurt and betrayal are off the charts, but I can't really even process that yet because the financial realities are far too stark.

I am writing this in the hope others might see some glint of hope in the financial circs that doesn't mean my daughter and I losing our house. But I think it looks grim. I have looked at benefit websites and I don't think we are eligible, and the mortgage agreement says clearly will be repossessed.

So here are the bleak facts:

• I work 24.5 hours a week, and take home £1820 a month total. My gross annual salary is about £35,000. To do this work I need to pay childcare - a nursery where she is very happy and given all the other changes I reay don't want to take her out of it. In addition soon-to-be-exH cared for her one day a week - I am hoping he still will.
  

-We bought a house a few months ago - and no way can I afford the mortgage payments alone, even with the alimony thing if it happened. It took both our incomes to be able to live here.
I am obviously devastated - we bought this house especially for her future, great schools and garden and have sunk all out money into it. The repairs etc are so expensive that we are even now in debt.

So I am distraught. I can't pay the mortgage on my salary. I don't want to sell. But I suspect I have no choice.

But:

• we dont have any money or savings left for all the upfront costs and
  
• We haven't owned it six months so I know any prospective buyer couldn't get finance and
  
• the mortgage exit fees are £6k at the moment since so new.
  

I don't know what to do. I definitely don't want to lose this home but can't see any way to get £3k extra a month which is what it would take.

I am going to ask the mortgage lender but they are clear in the agreement that failure to pay means repossession. It is a three year fix.

I am calling citizen advice Scotland on Monday in case they have any ideas but I am sure I earn too much for working tax credit type things. The only benefits I have are child benefit (universal in Scotland), and the lowest level of disability benefit. I have never had job seeker benefit or incapacity or whatever the other benefits are.

I haven't even had the chance to unpack all her toys yet. We were going to have her birthday party in a month. This is all just heartbreaking.

As for how I feel about him and what he is saying, I can't put that into words yet - I just have to keep a grip because I have to get secure home for my daughter.

[PisforPeter]

I'm not very savvy about these things but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry this has happened to you, hugs Xx

[MillyONaire]

Is renting out your home an option????

[skyeskyeskye]

I am sorry that this has happened to you. Going to see CAB is a good idea. You could also see a Financial Advisor to see what is the maximum that you could borrow on your salary.

Can you increase your hours at work at all to bring in more money?

It seems unlikely that you will get any tax credits or benefits, but give them a ring and find out for certain.

Also as MillyONaire suggests, is it possible to rent the house out to cover the mortgage while you rent somewhere else that is affordable?

I would also get some legal advice so that you know where you stand.

[ClashCityRocker]

Assuming the house is in joint names,meh is also jointly liable for the mortgage; therefore it would be in his best interest to continue contributing to the mortgage until there comes a point where you can sell.

Would this be an option, at least for the short term?

As you are working and on a reasonable salary, I don't think you will be entitled to much, if anything.

If you're on a repayment mortgage,would it be possible to go for interest only for a while? There will be financial penalties for this, I believe.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, you must feel like your world has been turned upside down.

[ClashCityRocker]

Meh = he

[AgentProvocateur]

What an awful situation. I don't want to add to your woes, but child benefit is not universal in Scotland (we don't get it) so depending in your joint income, you may have to pay that back through your tax return.

Practically, could you rent out rooms in your house? Are you in an easy-to-sell area, like Edinburgh or the West end of Glasgow? If you moved in recently, the home report may still be valid. I'm not sure why you think a prospective owner wouldn't get finance - could you go back to estate agents you bought it from, and see if anyone who was interested in it six months ago is still looking?

Finally, take care of yourself. You've had a huge shock. Have you got real life support?

[mrscog]

So sorry to hear of your situation. Would increasing your hours be a possibility? Even though childcare is expensive, as long as you're netting something after that cost then you're increasing your income. Also do you get childcare vouchers? they can make a big difference.

[KirstyJC]

You should check about tax credits, because if you pay childcare costs then you might get some help towards those even if you are above the threashold for the basic award - they are really quite generous if you have childcare and are working I have found. Check out entitledto.com as I have found them to be pretty accurate and it will give you a good idea.

You def need to speak to CAB as well. You might get a discount towards council tax as a single person too although I don't know how that works in Scotland.

As previous poster says if it is a joint mortgage then he has to pay towards it as well - even if he has left he will need to pay towards the cost of housing his child. If he doesn't pay then he gets into arrears and his credit rating is screwed, not just yours. If he is living out, is he planning to share residency? If not 50% then he should pay maintenance to you to help towards the costs of bringing her up.

Good luck

[Mitzi50]

Sorry you find yourself in this position. Unfortunately, I haven't anything useful to say. Would renting out the house or taking in a lodger be an option? CAB will be a good starting point for working out your options.

[MuttonCadet]

Could you let out a room? Is there anyway your ex would be able to continue to support the mortgage payments?

[Mitzi50]

This is easy to use and will give you an idea of whether or not you are entitled to any benefits

www.entitledto.co.uk/benefits-calculator

You obviously still need proper advice from a financial advisor/CAB

[lotsofcheese]

I really feel for you; sorry I don't have anything constructive beyond what has already been said.

Am guessing that, after your mortgage, childcare is your biggest expense? Could family help out with this?

[expatinscotland]

Sorry, but I'd try to sell. If your shortfall is £3k/month that house is just too expensive.

[lotsofcheese]

I was devastated when I had to sell my house as part of the divorce process. It just wasn't do-able financially & it was becoming a financial albatross round my neck.

I tried to console myself with the fact that it was just bricks & mortar, but it was really hard to let go (and the right thing to do).

[HappySunflower]

Drop your hours if you can. You will be more emotionally available for your daughter, less tired and will be entitled to more tax credits.
You will also be eligible for the lone parent element and for a substantial part of your childcare costs to be paid.
Could you rent out a room in your home, or get students in to help cover the mortgage?

[Paleninteresting]

I moved house in very similar circumstances and the fondest memories my DD has from that very age is moving house and setting up the new home with mummy. Her memories are disjointed but they include very specific events (such as finding mice in the garage), painting her room and having mummy time. Now older she sometimes asks to go back there and when I ask what it was she loved about the house, it was more time with me she remembers.
So I can't help you with the finances but can say IME a move of house can be healing and bonding for you both during a time which can be horrific for you.

[expatinscotland]

Never heard of anyone getting £3k in benefits/month with one child. In fact, the cap for even people with no job and 50 kids is £26k/annum including housing benefit.

Very poor idea to drop work in favour of benefits, especially with either independence or a Tory government who has it out for all benefits on the horizon.

The house costs too much. If you and your spouse cannot agree payment to cover the mortgage, including lodgers, best sell it quickly.

One of the biggest mistakes many make in divorce is trying to hang onto a house that is no longer affordable.

[mandy214]

By the time a new sale goes through, you may have passed the 6 month period, it takes a couple of months to market, get offers and the sale to go through so you should be OK.

Does your H have anywhere to go / someone he could stay with in the short term? If not, is there any way you could live in the house together until you've had chance to see a solicitor? I know, far from ideal but its unfortunately a solution where there is simply insufficient income at the moment to pay the mortgage and rent on a place for your H.

I think eventually you have to be practical about it - you and your H need 2 places to live so you can both spend time with your daughter. Unfortunately if your joint income doesn't pay for the mortgage on this house for you, and another house for your H, then you probably will have to sell. I know its very difficult. Good luck!

[BucketofDinosaurs]

Thanks everyone. Fantastic support and grim but good advice. Yes - realistically I can't see any way for us to afford this here. It did stretch us to buy, but we - at least I - had no idea it was going to end up like this...or wouldn't have bought of course.

No family - my parents are dead and my sister in a different continent and understandably v busy with five kids and not much time to talk. Zero RL connections really. Some friends but out of touch over last few months what with moving and renovations chaos.

He refuses to tell me his leaving plans - what he will do financially - totally insane, the whole thing. But even if he does pay towards mortgage and does continue childcare once a week, we couldn't afford to stay here - it takes both our salaries, not counting duplicating living costs for him. So that is very clear really as your posts have helped me reluctantly acknowledge.

I will investigate renting it out - I fear renting anywhere wd cost as much as the mortgage easily, even not counting tax and factor fees. It's harder since I can't drive (partly cos of disability - not serious enough for any help though apart from lowest disability allowance), so I need to be within bus commute of work. The mortgage agreement also forbade renting and they told me cannot be converted to rental mortgage within the first year. All really grim.

And plus - oh lord I don't want to move. This house and garden were all for her. The renovation, the plans, the schools... She is just getting used to it as her home and it was such an utter upheaval to move. To do it again - I quail. But I know there may be no choice. What an awful end to a dream.

Just two days ago I was planning her combined birthday party and housewarming. I wanted her to get a chance to build snowman in the little garden. She loves it here.

Today he did his new trick of reneging on childcare. Twice in one day actually. I have a overdue-and-urgent work project and he agreed ages ago he wd care for sweetheart today, so today was the first day in weeks I could do it. That was possible because he was going to take her out all day. But then he just walked put on us out for two hours. Then he came back briefly and walked out again. He knows I would of course NEVER walk out, and uses this utterly as a weapon. He describes child care as a 'favour' and I can't get him to understand that it's a commitment and that my work matters too. I wouldn't stop him working by dropping out of my child care. But he doesn't see it. I can't argue. He just shouts.

Oh lord. this is a nightmare.

[WildItWasFurious]

Could you get a lodger? I know it sounds a bit desperate but it can work really well, especially if you live in a uni town. You just have to be a bit careful who you choose and pick someone reliable. You can get something like £350 a month tax free, but I've just seen you say you need £3k a month more :(

[expatinscotland]

Holy shit, he is an utter twunt! What a nobber. Well, fuck him. Go for a free half hour consultation with a solicitor so he can't leave you hanging.

You might well be able to rent a place in the same area, just smaller or a flat.

You will find plenty of support on here.

Sorry he did this to you, the cock.

[BucketofDinosaurs]

HappySunflower - I wd love to reduce hours and childcare costs and focus on darling. But in my job I wouldn't get the hours back - v unlikely - and given the welfare changes I am wary of becoming a single parent on even less money - but it is so tempting. I just want to wrap her in attention and warmth!

Today when we were out together (after he walked out and meant I couldn't work), we ha te most magical time at park. She was on the swing and said 'flying like bird! Like cloud!' And was laughing so much. She is so precious 23 month darling!

[expatinscotland]

She will be fine, Bird, she is very young and can do much better than this twonk who doesn't deserve to be a parent.

[expatinscotland]

Sorry, Bucket.

[Mitzi50]

Bucket children are really very resilient - she will cope and adapt to all of your changes in circumstances.

If he is reneging on childcare, try to develop systems where you never have to rely on him. This was my Ex H favourite trick when the children were small - regularly letting me down at the very last minute so I was constantly having to cancel social engagements, panicking about work etc. In the end, I never asked him to do any child care which at least stopped him having any power.