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Divorce/separation

Contact issues after father not seeing his child for most of her young life

1 reply

daisystone · 15/08/2014 13:06

I hope this is the correct place for this question - posted in relationships before but that was probably wrong.

I am not going to give all details as we will be here all day, but my three year old daughter has not seen her father since she was 1 years old. During this time I have tried to contact him to establish contact. He did not even pass on where he was living and I only found this out on divorce papers.

We have been communicating through solicitors for the last few months regarding his wish to have contact with his estranged child. He is saying that I have prevented him from seeing her. There is no truth to this statement and I can only think that he is saying it to paint me in a bad light and to make out that he has not intentionally neglected and abandoned his child. He has always known where we were and I have intermittently tried calling him to disuss matters but he has not answered or returned calls. He has not acknowledged birthdays or Christmases. I only found out where he was living via the divorce papers and it turns out he is only a few miles away so distance was never a problem for him.

After me trying to speak to him and going to his house where I was met by a new partner (all very civil - shook hands etc) we spoke on phone and he said he WOULD like to see daughter. I said we needed ground rules, to build trust etc. Asked him where he had been and how he could account for his behaviour. He refused to discuss it. Some heated emails between us and the police turn up on my doorstep with a harassment warning. Basically if I contact him or his partner they COULD in theory prosecute me. Spoke to a sergeant about this at length who said it was a ridiculous thing for him to have done but that it is his right to do it and that people can file them for the most basic things. Obviously I was very shocked about this. I think he is worried about new partner hearing bad things and would like to keep us apart as much as possible. He has no doubt told her that he has tried to see his child and that i will not let him.

Anyway, we have had mediation sessions in the diary for a month or so now. He has been to his assessment session alone and so have I. We were due to start joint mediation in September. A few days ago I received court papers which require me to attend magistrates court a few days before we were due to start our mediation. I am confused and thrown by this. My solicitor says that he may have done this because he does not want to sit at a table with me and talk about the past/his behaviour etc. He thinks he may be intimidated .

My question really is, how will a court take this? The man has not been part of his daughters life since she was one and she has no memory of him. She is four in December and she has never had a father. They surely cannot order that she sees him without mediation between parents? He has effectively abandoned her. He has only paid money since the CSA finally caught up with him at his new address and clearly he has to pay now or risk the new partner finding out about his evasion.

What will happen at the court? Will we be ordered to go ahead with mediation after all? I am very worried about this and I am worried about his lying and what he intends to do next. His track record since splitting up has been very bad and I do not trust him. Anyone been through anything similar or anyone in a legal career who knows abou these things? I simply want what is best for my daughter and he has done nothing for her since she was born. I was ready to move forward with mediation but he seems to think he never has to talk to me again and can take my three year old without discussing anything directly with me ever again. Not to mention that I am not supposed to have anything to do with him because of the harassment warning. I am at a loss really.

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TwoDarlingsxx · 15/08/2014 20:52

I have been and currently am going through all the court process. Now let me tell you now that family court is the biggest load of bulls@#t I have ever been put through!

The court will order contact between your child and father no matter what the circumstances are! My sons father hadn't seen him from the age of 1 and does not pay maintenance then at the age of 4 took me to court.

At the first hearing you will more than likely have to talk to a CAFCASS officer just please be very wary my experiences with my sons CAFCASS office had been nothing but negative.

If no arrangement can be made at the first hearing then a contact order will be made for your child to see dad at a contact centre , then you will be back and forth constantly from court.

Now I managed to drag the court process out for two years because I did not adhere to orders that were made and did not show up to some hearings, not a clever thing to do I know but I am the only one who knows about my sons fathers past and I know what is best for him. Just like I predicted my sons father didn't even show up to some sessions of supervised contact and was late to every session he did. Waste of time!

Stick to your guns and do not feel intimidated or pressured into agreeing to something that you are not comfortable with.

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