Urgent advice needed

[stuckbetweenarock]

This may be long winded but please bare with me. Married to DH who is Turkish for 10 years. We have 3 DCs 6,5 and 4.

Previous History of domestics violence although I had been scared on every occasion to report to the police. I reported an incident to my GP last year where he hit my nose so badly I was suffering with blurred vision. Again, was too afraid to go to police.

Relationship has broken down over past few weeks and I called the police to an incident by which he cut all the inside of my hand whilst trying to take car keys from me when I threatened to go to the solicitor after he had threatened he wouldn't let me see our daughter who was in Turkey at the time. I phoned the police who classed it as a verbal domestic, but then I went to the solicitor and took out a non molestation order against him for both the children and I. We were called back to court yesterday regarding the order to decide who the children would stay with.

Things had been amicable over the weekend with him apologising for his behaviour towards me saying that he deserved the order but that he was hurt I had asked the children to be put in there. We were civil enough to discuss arrangements for me moving out with the children and I felt that the non molestation order was enough and we decided I would withdraw my application for the children's order as we agreed between ourselves that the children would live with myself.

We drove to the solicitors together and I told him to wait in the car whist I spoke with my solicitor. I told her I wanted to withdraw as we were being amicable but she warned me that if I didn't proceed and that if I was to ever attend court again for anything similar the judge would criticise me for not protecting my children the first time around so I decided to go ahead.

When he found out that we would still be going to court, he was angry saying that Id planned all of this etc and the judge has postponed the hearing until September as it gives him chance to get legal aid.

He was fuming after the whole incident saying that I'd done all this on purpose and I'd stabbed him in the back, when I swear for me it was a split minute decision based on what the solicitor advised me as my statement clearly said that there's a history of domestic violence.

He has told me that he will appoint 3 lawyers to fight his case, that he will embarrass me in front of anybody and everybody. He told me that one lawyer is already chasing my medical history as I've been on antidepressants in the past and he is going to use that against me. I felt I had to use reverse psychology and tell him that I would withdraw any further application made to court because quite frankly I don't believe I have the money or power to be able to compete with him.

Technically we run our own business although the lease is on his name and we live in the property upstairs. I get the usual tax credits and also DLA and carers allowance for our son but it goes into the joint account. I have no savings of my own. We own a property elsewhere that was left to me when my mums died but his name is on the title deeds as we remortgaged so we could buy overseas.
I came to Turkey today to stay with his parents as our youngest DD has been here since April on holiday. I came over with the other two DCs whilst he stays and runs the business.


Basically today I have heard from a mutual friend that he is giving me two choices- either I stay in Turkey, don't come back and he gets me a house here, or if I do come back then I've no choice but to agree he has sole custody of the kids?

When the friend told me this my world has crumbled. I don't have a penny to my name as it's all controlled by him. I have no surviving family to turn to for help. My mums house is empty and I could move there as a last resort but with all the arguing the children have seen, I didn't want to uproot them. He agreed to being the guarantor for me if I rented local using the money from my mums house but he said he won't do that anymore.

I'm absolutely petrified. Can he take the kids from me? He has a record for battery in 2008 and affray in October last year. He has control of the finances and knows I have nothing to my name. He could easily take the money from his parents to pay for top whack solicitors and knows that I don't. His family are the most reasonable people on this planet and despite all that's gone on, they've welcomed me with open arms here tonight. I'm just scared of what he's capable of doing. He's told said friend that I've surrendered etc and now he will be calling the shots.

What should I do? I can't lose my kids

[Noregrets78]

Good grief, I don't feel qualified to help, but thought I should flag that this is a really quiet board. Try relationships or legal? He won't be able to get away with this. You do not have to do what he demands. Best option would be to get you and the kids to that empty house, and claim everything youre entitled to as a single mum. Most urgently, get a sole bank account and ensure everything is paid into there.

[stuckbetweenarock]

How can I post this onto legal? I can't copy and paste on my phone? Many thanks

[twizzleship]

email MN and ask to have it moved to relationships board.

He's just trying to scare you into backing down...don't let him! i would get you and your children out of Turkey asap (hide the passports out of his reach) and into your mums home. take as much cash out of the joint account as you can and set up your own account asap. then phone/write to the relevant agencies and have your benefits/allowances paid directly into that. he can employ as many solicitors as he likes, his past record and the current non molestation order will work against him...plus your solicitor already knows that he tried to bully you into withdrawing the order so that will go against him too. he's got no chance of getting full custody of the kids-especially seeing as you are the carer for your disabled child.

You are in a much stronger position than you are fully aware of right now so ignore his threats and get legal advice. he knows what buttons to press to scare you so you have to remain aware of that and not give him that control.

i would also ask your solicitor about safeguarding your children with regards to him abducting them and taking them to Turkey.

i know you feel it isn't right to uproot the kids right now but just think of the longterm damage that they will suffer as a result of you staying in this situation. i know the fight ahead seems futile to you right now but you HAVE to fight for your children and for yourself and you will succeed. Bullies like him only get away with it because we get too scared to make any changes and that's what he is counting on - so don't give in to him!