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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

If we separate what % dh salary wd i get as maintenance? And joint house?

35 replies

SwiftRelease · 08/07/2014 11:58

Feeling stuck in v unhappy marriage- had to stop work for a couple of years, prior to that part-time to fit round kids. Now working p/t again but income about 12% of dh's! What would happen financially if we split? We are married, joint mortgage (high) i put in much more equity at beginning. Thanks.

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SwiftRelease · 08/07/2014 15:09

Anyone?

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nomoretether · 08/07/2014 17:51

Check the Child Maintenance Service website for a calculator.

Other financial things are far more complex and you would need to seek legal advice and disclose finances to be given an idea of what might happen.

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SwiftRelease · 08/07/2014 18:16

Thanks did check that for ballpark figure. Not sure in spousal though?

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ElizabethMedora · 08/07/2014 18:19

I'm no expert but I believe you probably wouldn't get spousal maintenance as someone with a job & able to support one self. I think these days it tends to be older women without earning potential who have been married for decades who get spousal maintenance. However I would suggest you ask solicitor.

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Fairylea · 08/07/2014 18:24

Having gone through a divorce about 5 years ago I can say that generally speaking you will only get maintenance for the children. Spousal maintenance is, as the poster above says, rarely awarded now. You will be expected to support yourself and pay the mortgage from the sum of your own income (wages, tax credits, child benefit and child maintenance). If you are unable to do this then generally the house will be pushed for sale and then proceeds split. You may be able to come to some private agreement in order to pay off the mortgage jointly and then sell when the children reach 18. In my own experience it is far, far better to disentangle yourself from your ex as completely as possible and remove him from the mortgage in whatever way you can. I downsized dramatically to do so.

Have a look at the "turn to us" website to see what benefits you may be entitled to.

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SwiftRelease · 08/07/2014 18:25

We were overseas where i cdnt work. I work part-time, 1/10 of what dh does as severely diminished my oast/current/future earning power so i can be there more for kids. Is there seriously no recompense for this?

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SwiftRelease · 08/07/2014 18:30

God, Fairy just read yr message too, my eyes i opening!! No wonder there are so many women in shit marriages, why one hears of running away funds! So we take ALL the hit individually for time out with joint kids ?? Ffs!

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SwiftRelease · 08/07/2014 18:32

So dh swans off into the sunset with a nice unlittle bachelor income

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Fairylea · 08/07/2014 18:49

Well in theory the children's maintenance should be agreed at a level to keep the children in the same standard of living as their father - so "in theory" this should help to bridge the gap financially etc. The problem is the csa amount is very low really so you need a solicitor who tries to negotiate above this amount. Also if you have a self employed ex like me (oh joy) he will get paid in cash and claim he earns minimum wage and then you are royally screwed while he swans off to the USA and remarries and leaves you with 40k of debt. So after losing your highly paid job at the same time you then end up working 16 hours a week for minimum wage in a hotel washing pots because that's the only job you can find. Oh yes.

The best thing to do is to find yourself a really good solicitor and explore all the options.

And there is definitely life after divorce. I have been divorced twice actually. Once when I was very young indeed. I am now remarried (3rd time lucky!) And I am very happy.

So there is light at the end of the tunnel.

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SwiftRelease · 08/07/2014 18:52

Thanks fairy, glad it eventually worked out for you. Sounded tough! Why isnt this wrtitten in bold for women before they marry/have kids?! I had NO idea and am a fairly savvy educated person, or so i thought!

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BranchingOut · 08/07/2014 18:56

I think that things are actually better than they used to be, which is rather horrifying.

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nomoretether · 08/07/2014 18:56

I definitely wouldn't rely on any amount above what the CMS say you'll get. Courts can't/won't enforce child maintenance as that's what the CMS is for. He could "agree" to a higher amount and then go back on it whenever he feels like it.

I agree with Fairylea - entangle as much as you can as quickly as you can and get proper legal advice.

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Letitgoletitgo · 08/07/2014 21:08

I disagree, I have sm as well as cm written in a finance order which was signed off by the court. May depend in how old your DCs are as to how much court expects you to support yourself, but my solicitor said a judge would be unhappy about signing off anything without at least nominal sm to make sure me and DCs were ok (aged 2 and 0 when XH left). Find a good solicitor who specialises in family law. XH and I agreed money outside of court in the end. Did jean selling the family home though, money then split 50/50. So he has bought a nice new house with ow and I am renting as no chance of getting a mortgage on my own salary.... But hey ho. Good luck!

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SwiftRelease · 08/07/2014 22:09

Thanks, Let. Will do- sounds worth if (had been wondering about diy route but think i should fight for more than that would give me( my dds older though 7 & 13 so not sure.

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awishes · 08/07/2014 22:37

I'm going through this at the moment and can say that it is so individual I don't think anyone could give you a ball park figure.

it would be unusual to split everything 50/50 if there are children involved but there are so many considerations. I also gave up a good salary and therefore my pension has suffered because I was at home bringing the children up but my stbx expects a 50/50 split. Quite how I am supposed to house the children with that and a part time salary I don't know!

try to see as many solicitors as possible using the free half hour and take notes and prepare questions. If you can agree a settlement without courts you will save a fortune.

Good luck.

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nomoretether · 08/07/2014 22:45

Mine were 4 & 1 and I was told in no uncertain terms that I'd get nothing - I didn't even have a job.

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SwiftRelease · 09/07/2014 06:57

Gosh, thats tough! Did he not feel honour/duty bound?

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EarthWindFire · 09/07/2014 09:01

Each case is individual. You may find that you get more of the 'marital pot' as you earn less.

The courts sim is for you both to be able to support yourselves in the future whilst still supporting your children.

If it goes as far as court, they take out the emotion of the situation, have guidelines to adhere to and then decide what is fair using these.

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EarthWindFire · 09/07/2014 09:01

Aim not sim!

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SageMist · 09/07/2014 09:16

Actually I think that because you are married you have far better financial security than you would have if you hadn't married him.

But it sounds like its time to stand on your own two feet. Good luck.

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millymollymoomoo · 09/07/2014 09:55

you really do need specialist legal advice. As your children are a little older (ie at school) it may well be expected that you can work full time to support yourself and may not therefore be awarded SM - or that you may be awarded SM for an interim period. While courts generally prefer clean break and gone are the days when men are expected to pay their ex wives forever that does not mean you will not have any chance at SM.

The courts will look at how long you have been married, current earnings and future earnings of both parents, assets in the marriage, pensions etc. It might be for example that you ask for SM but then negotiate higher % of equity or pension and drop the SM claim etc.

How long have you been married and what assets are there? Think about that, i.e. can you afford the mortgage to stay in the marital home? will you need to sell it to release equity? what equity will there be and if you were awarded 50/60/70% etc would that rehouse you and the children etc

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SwiftRelease · 09/07/2014 13:06

Thanks, will check all that. Head spinning.

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EarthWindFire · 09/07/2014 18:06

Courts these days don't like adding CM into court orders as after the first year either party can apply to the new Child Maintenance Agency (the old CSA).

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Ifyoubuildit · 13/07/2014 14:51

Interesting. My husband pays maintenance to his ex and according to the court it's for life. Their children are both in secondary school so she could work, in theory work. This was agreed 6 years ago though so maybe it's changed?

DH say that he was told at the time that if you get divorced in a London (as he did) settlements are generally more favourable to the ex wife.

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Mini05 · 13/07/2014 15:48

Wife maintence is only if she doesn't ie remarry, cohabit.

In my case ex h signed house over to me in lieu of his pension. Paid cm for 1 child till 18 no court involved solicitor but sorted it between us(lot of argueing but got what I wanted in the end)

Mil, who was 74,got 60/40 split the house worth about £270 at time. No maintence,no pension share.this was just enough for her to buy a 1bed retirement apartment in the area she lived in