divorced from abroad

[lifeisunjust]

Hi there, I am in desperate need of advice.

I live in EU and husband left me a year ago, after almost 20 years and 4 children 8 to 16 years. He had turned our lives upside down in months before, leaving, returning, beating me up. He has a criminal record for domestic violence in 2 countries. He has fled to UK.

I found life very difficult, 4 children alone. Sudden reduction in income, I earn 30 per cent and he 70 per cent. I gave up my career so he could have one. I spent last year in and out of hospital, operation, now psychiatric as having difficulty looking after kids with no family. Husband has thankfully shown little interest in kids, but I m left coping with his bills and 30 per cent income.

I succeeded in a court order for child and spousal spousal maintenance but he refuses to pay more than one third of order and he is contesting validity of EU country order, despite EU treaty Brussels 2 which makes it clear it is valid and EU country competent .

My husband took with him to UK 40k of marital assets too. He served divorce papers while I was hospitalised, he succeeded in divorcing me, I emailed court several times with no response, not easy when hospitalised.

He is now taking me to court and says he ll get me jailed if I don't turn up, because he wants permission to sell our home in UK which is rented. I am in EU country, he lives in hiding, having provided a false address to English court.

I am in a really bad way financially, despite being on PNC as dv victim and continuing, to receive abuse, I am unable to access legal help in UK, I have tried women's aid, rights of women, many pro bono organisations, none will help with any legal advice. I have tried every lawyer in area near court, over 30 of the them. The best offer I got was 10k upfront. No one will do legal advice with payment on settlement.


I have offered my husband following for settlement.
80k savings nearly all in kids name to remain theirs.
30 per cent of house valued at 220k.
Me and kids own house and buy him out.
He keeps car he already took.
He keeps the 40k he already took as part of the 30per cent house buy out.
Pensions 50 50.
Marriage 20 years. I worked part time and lost career.

I have exclusive care of children. Maintenance is in EU court in EU country.

He has offered me
50 per cent house
Wants 50 per cent savings, so taking kids savings
Refuses child and spousal despite court order to psy.

Please can someone advise me. I will be going to court alone. No legal rep.
Is my proposal one a judge would say yes to? 20 years bringing up kifd, dv, stealing marital assets, most importantly housing for 4 kids under 18. Husbands lawyer says no chance and said shell apply for my imprisonment. She has medical certs, proof of operation and subsequent hospitalisation a, she says no justification to get court date moved a few weeks for me to become stable and recover from operation and to find someone wholl loan me money for me to travel to UK. Court refuses medical certs, says no funds available to help me paybtravel costs.

Pleaswvcan someone offer advice. I am going mad.

[PeachyParisian]

Can't offer you legal advice i'm afraid but hopefully somebody will come along soon.
A lot may depend on where you are within the EU. Also is there a particular reason why you don't want to go 50/50 on the house if he agrees to pay maintenance?

Under what grounds would you be imprisoned? Does your husband want custody of the DCs? If the savings are in the names of the children then surely that should not be considered as part of the settlement at all?

[lifeisunjust]

She says imprisoned because I am too I'll to attend, just out of operation.

I put in 15 per cent deposit to house and cleared debts.

His lawyer says the kids are not considered under English law and she has applied to sell house without consent, taunting me as I am too I'll to travel, judge will say yes when I don't turn up.

I am finding this distressing. She also told me 4 kids should only ever be 20 per cent of absent parents income. I told her none of her business, judge here placed a condition both parents pay for children, same percentage each parent, irrelevant where they live, other than because they're with me, he gives me contribution for them. I get same percentage of my income to spend as I want, as I earn less, I get less. Except as he has yet to conform to maintenance order, I am now in debt.

It seems englishbjudge is indeed considering kifds savings as marital assets which horrifies me.

[lifeisunjust]

The other reason I feel he should not get 50 per cent of house, I have lost potential earnings of around 250k working part time, if I continue to work part time another 10 years to avoid child care and cope alone, that's about 100k in lost earnings. I feel like that plus the percentage I put in should somehow be compensated. It would mean I buy out 30 per cent. I would effectively get 40 per cent more, 15 per cent more as I put in 15 per cent deposit, 5 per cent is value of car he took, leaves me with 20 per cent more with is 44k. 44k compensation for at least 100k less income than he can earn over next 10,years. Of gives him enough to buy 2 bed and kids and me somewhere to live.

It would feel to me some justice for the abuse we be gone through. How I get back the 10k maintenance owed, I wish I knew, how ironic, hard to pay him off when hecoees me 10k maintenance already. His lawyer says I cannot offset maintenca owed against a financial buy out. She went on and on that I was depriving her client of settlement, how dare he have to wait 6 months. The tears really flowed then, for past year we have lived much off generosity of friends and several food donations, due to him walking off and emptying bank accounts, yet spending 3k a month on his credit card, us surviving day to day. Last July he left 3k of bills. I earned 350 euro that month. It was so hard. And she tries to lay on guilt her client is entitled to 50 per cent and more.

[Oliver111]

Stay as unemotional as you possibly can, this is not a time for being upset, it's a time for action. Emotion will cost you money and credibility and you need to think and act sensibly now.

You sound intelligent and resourceful, keep looking for legal aid and in the mean time gather as much evidence of everything relevant as you can, including evidence of his dishonesty. Be organized and focussed, you can cry after it's over. And don't get emotional about his lawyer, she's paid to defend him and it's in their favour to rush you. Are you sure she's for real by the way? She sounds bonkers.

You can do this!

[Romeyroo]

Have you posted this in the legal section, under Other stuff? There are knowledgeable people there who usually give good advise.

There are also people called McKenzies friends who help people who are self-representing.

I would be really surprised if he can get children's savings. Remember his lawyer is not a judge; she sounds very adversarial and every family lawyer I have spoken to has always focused on putting dc first.

[Romeyroo]

Oliver, yes, lawyer does sound bonkers and unethical. I would be checking out her credentials.

Another suggestion, some UK law firms give free half hour of advice or reduced rate for initial consultation. I know money is an issue, but may be worth in the long run having a telephone consultation; knowledge is power and if you have a better idea how the land lies, you will be more confident about negotiating it. At the very least, you will know what are empty threats. But yes, also try legal section on here.

[cannotseeanend]

Yes thanks for advice. I've taken as many free and low cost intitial consultations as I have been able to afford.

Knowledge is definitely power and it's still lacking on my part.

Yes she's for real, she also told me every email I sent court, she has an arrangement that they send back to her. I checked it out, she's allowed to do this.

Well I never got financial disclosure of the Form E and most financial information from my husband. He has absolutely everything from me.

The part of annexes to Form E contain part bank statements and credit card bills, with pages missing and some things blacked out. I have asked court why he is allowed to do this. I got no response.

The part annexes are also 7 months out of date, mine are up to 2 weeks ago.

I do keep telling the lawyer, and I've decided to try and minimize answering her phone calls now, I find it very upsetting she seems to be putting her client completely before his children.

I have now read and decipered my husband's proposal. He has asked for 60% of assets, 40% assets for me and kids, including their savings in the 40%. So his lawyer has spent several phone calls and emails saying I MUST accept this offer or risk ME PAYING HER COSTS. I replied I am not her client, that 60% for one person and 40% for 5 people is simply not at all fair.

It is very hard not to be emotional when you're faced with representing yourself and being told you have to pay the other sides costs, that the children are not taken into consideration, that I can never get under English law more than 50%. I have sent dozens of pleas to ask for Form E from the courts and the lawyer, they've had 3 weeks to produce. I have not had a single response.