Single and pregnant - advice please!

[92littlecat92]

Hello everyone,

I am new here and very much in need of some help and advice, and would be so grateful if anyone can offer me some. I’m 21 years old and 4 months pregnant with my first child. My partner of 3 years as unfaithful to me and then left me. I know that I am relatively young, on a modest income as an administrator and now feel like a stupid little girl. My now former partner has moved back in with his mother, over 100mmiles away and says he wants to be involved but living that far away I doubt he will be able to play a huge part in our baby’s life. I think the easiest way to sum up my worries would be in a list, so here goes:

1)I am mostly afraid of being able to give my child and adequate up brining, both financially and emotionally on my own.
2)I am scared of not being able to go back to work and of being able to afford raising a child alone
3)I am white and the baby’s father is black and I do not want my child to feel like an outsider with my family (his want nothing to do with either of us)
4)Coming from a chaotic family myself the one thing I wanted for my own children was to live in a family with both their parents and now that this is impossible I am scared of my child missing out.
5)Although it is selfish I am scared of not finding a partner again – I am not a good looking woman and I will soon be a single mother.
6)I am struggling with feelings of guilt because I feel I have already let my child down and been a bad mother.

I would really appreciate any advice.

[Lesleywill]

Hi,

I can see you are worried but there is financial help available. Try contacting these people and they will be able to put you mind at rest.

Income Support Contact Number – Call: 0844 545 6556
Tax Credit Phone Number – Call: 0844 545 6559
Working Tax Credit Phone Number – Call: 0844 545 6555
Child Tax Credit Phone Number – Call: 0844 545 7839

I got them all from here www.telephone-customer-service.co.uk/?s=tax+credits

Good luck

[angel1976]

Hi, just wanted to post a message of support. Look at it this way, I did everything the 'right' way - got married, waited to have the DCs, had a good job etc. Didn't stop my ex from dumping me last year for a younger model! So now I'm a single mum of 2 at 37.

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, you just need to deal with it. Look on the positive side, you are young. By the time you are 30, your son/daughter would be well established in primary school and if you choose to re-start your career then, you are still young. I often wonder if I had my kids earlier, I wouldn't be in the situation of nearing 40 and trying to re-start a career I put on hold while raising two young kids.

Mixed race kids are gorgeous! Mine are mixed race and no one bats an eyelid here where we live...

The fact that you are worrying about things show you care and you will be a good mum. One step at a time... I met a 21-year-old mum recently and she was do mature. Certainly put me to shame!

[angel1976]

P.S. I never thought I would meet anyone either (my two DCs can be a handful!) but six months after the split, I got asked out unexpectedly and we've been together now for 7 months and my BF adores me in a way my ex never did...

[92littlecat92]

thank you both for the advice - angel, I hope I can be as lucky as you in finding someone else and in coping with the situation. xxx

[Noregrets78]

You're not a stupid little girl, don't worry about your age. I'm 35 and still making it up as I go along. None of this is your fault, please don't feel guilty. Due to my child having a tosspot for a father I'm the one who's jealous of those who are on their own from the start! Unspoilt time just you and the baby, being able to do things just the way you want without trying to keep everyone else happy too...
You will surprise yourself with how well you'll cope. The world is different now, no-one looks down on single mothers or mixed race kids. Or at least those who do can go jump! Hold your head up high.
All the best with your pregnancy, savour every minute and don't spend it stressing xx

[angel1976]

littlecat I wasn't looking for a partner TBH. I spent the first 6 months post-split looking after myself while the dust settled... I met old friends, went to gigs, movies, meals out when my ex had the DCs. At the risk of sounding corny, I 'found' myself again... My DH now was someone I knew for about year on a hi-bye basis and I was shocked when he asked me out. It's really lovely but I live each day as it comes now and try to enjoy it. You just don't know what tomorrow will bring. Take all the help you can get from friends and family. Take care of yourself.