A week ago my husband told me he was having an affair with a girl 12 years younger than himself (30yrs). He left home a year ago saying he needed to leave to become a better husband and Father to myself and our 3yr old. We were doing ok in our relationship but i do know our relationship had changed for him since having my son and we were both responsible for trying to make that better. He started staying at his parents then moved in with this girl as she had a spare room in the same village as his parents. It appears over that time he found a shoulder to cry on and that developed into a sexual relationship. Over the last year I have kept it together for our son and pushed to find out if our marriage was over but he was always adamant it wasn't, but clearly over time we become less connected. He visited our DS 3 times a week and called him every day which was hard for me as I had to be there for all he calls as a 3yr old struggles with conversations on the phone! He also pushed for my son to spend time with his new lodger 'friend' which i refused as i had my suspicions. To cut a long story short he turned up last Sunday with all his stuff in the car saying he had had an affair over the last few months with the lady he was living with but was not happy there or in our situation but needed to come clean and he completely understood if I sent him away. I let him back in the house only so we could sort this out once and for all. To top it all both he and the girl involved work at the same company as I do so I have no escape. I have set up a couple counselling session next week and he says he will go after quite a bit of pressure but whether he does make it i am unsure. I need us to get everything on the table with someone keeping track as i find him hard to talk to. The one thing that gets to me is he appears to have no remorse, he gets angry and says some really nasty things to me when questioned about the affair and i can only assume he feels he has now got it off his chest so he feels it doesn't need to be discussed. He also says he will stay friends with her (after saying he burnt his bridges) and has even talked about her to my son. He also walks around and talks like nothing is wrong. I feel I am going mad with anger regards all the lies and his current behaviour. Is this normal and how do I tackle this? Any ideas? Anyone experienced the same?
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Divorce/separation
Why is he not showing guilt for adultery?
18 replies
mum4firsttime · 16/05/2014 22:48
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