Hi, I am really just looking for any thoughts/ ideas on where to start regarding my separation from partner.
We have been together for 12 years. We have an 8 yr old child. We have been engaged for last 9 yrs and were fully committed to each other and marriage one day. We never got around to marrying because there has always been one thing or another to deal with and it hasn't been top of our list of priorities. Ironically we have always, mutually felt that there has been no rush because we have all the time in the world etc etc.
Sadly while time has been flying by, we have drifted into a completely platonic relationship and now live like good friends/brother and sister. We have had many a painful chat about things after I pushed to bring it to a head, and have decided to separate.
The problem is, it is only now that I can see exactly where this leaves me financially.
Please remember - we were going to marry! Things are very amicable, we still share our home, haven't made things public yet. We sleep in separate rooms but otherwise life goes on as normal while we try to work out what's next.
We have talked of separation agreements. We have also come up with a suggested plan of what to do financially. However, this means dragging things out for the next two yrs and as time goes on, I really don't think I can do this. The plan was for him to move out in near future. Without listing my entire life on the first post, basically I would like to make a clean break asap. I would desperately love another child (and not getting any younger), would also love to move closer to my family amongst other things, so for my own sanity and the health of our remaining relationship, I really need to do something.
So, I have just started thinking about what I would be entitled to if we were married. In terms of settlement figure? How is this figure usually calculated? I would ideally like to ask for a lump with which to leave and maybe use as deposit for my own home. Not interested in rinsing him dry - just want a fair share for my role in our set up. As would have been case if married.I am not on the house deeds. I am currently sahm. I haven't contributed financially to anything we own (this was always 100% what he/we were happy with) Very traditional set up. He works 9-5, I do everything else. I am currently studying and the intention was for me to set up self employed when qualified. Should mention he is self employed. He has sworn to do things as though we had been married, as he appreciates the unfairness of the situation. If it's relevant - there are no other parties involved and we are very good friends. He's very casual and relaxed about it all, but then he's not in my position either!
Thanks in advance for any help and sorry if I haven't made any sense. P.s - I know that I am not legally entitled to anything, hence the post.
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Divorce/separation
What would married people get? Separation finances etc.
18 replies
FloralRose · 26/02/2014 00:03
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