My DS and I moved into our own home last September. ExH was abusive, emotionally and financially. He drank, is monumentally selfish and narcissistic regularly gas lighting me and towards the end our DS too.
My DS and I are much happier, we have a great routine and he is very loving. He is doing really well at school, organising himself, getting the bus there and back. He's a little forgetful but he is a boy(!) and school is very full on, homework every night etc. He is high achieving at school and a bit of a perfectionist.
He has struggled to have a relationship with his dad. Ex didn't engage with him on an individual level and was jealous of him. He distanced himself as soon as DS was born and I struggled to keep it all together for 12 years until it became unbearable. My DS asked me 3 times if we could leave him. We were together over 20 years before we had DS. He was the one who wanted a family.
Since we have left DS is his seeing his dad once a week staying over. He seems to enjoy it. ExH makes arrangements directly with DS and leaves me out of the loop despite me asking him to let me know a week advance what their plans are.
ExH last night texted me to say that he thought DS was unable to think for himself (DS forgot to tell me that he would need dinner before he went to his dads). ExH likes to undermine me as a parent particularly implying that I do too much for him and then contradicting himself with the fact I don't do enough with him. I didn't respond recognising he was trying to get me to react.
I know I need to man up but I am still unnerved by the ExH. It takes one little comment from him for me to doubt myself. Am I being unreasonable expecting to be in the loop re the time they are spending together or is my DS old enough to do this directly? He is 13 in a couple of months time. My son wants to see his dad and I want him to have a relationship with him providing it makes him happy.
The ExH and I only communicate by text as to protect my sanity I had to go NC. He hated that I instigated leaving even though he didn't want to be with me/us anymore. I know he sees my vulnerability where my son is concerned. We are not yet divorced, we agreed to wait two years. We formally agreed how to split our assets and the joint custody of DS. Ex works shifts so for this reason we agreed that we would plan a week in advance when they would see each other but this element is not subject to any formal agreement through a solicitor. I half expected ExH just to disappear tbh and the priority was just getting out.
Sorry this has been so long but I felt the background was needed. Thanks for sticking with it if you have! Any help about manning up would be great. I know I need to grow some but my confidence has not fully recovered yet.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.
Divorce/separation
Dealing with ex-H about contact with DS
9 replies
Pippinlongsocks · 15/02/2014 12:23
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.