I just want to be happy

(6 Posts)
Holly300 Sun 03-Nov-13 04:20:41

I don't know what to do. Been with husband for 12 years and have 2 kids together... Problem is he makes me so unhappy! We've had our fair share of problems in the past and went to marriage counselling for a year. He has been verbally and emotionally abusive throughout our whole relationship - with periods of him being ok or nice! Every time I told him it's over, he is really nice for a couple of weeks and makes all these empty promises about changing but never does. I then end up feeling weaker than ever and annoyed with myself having believed him. Obviously we have our kids so in my mind I think I'll try once more for them. it always breaks my heart thinking about how they would cope if we separated. I know that I have a right to happiness and that a happy parent means happy children etc but I'm so scared. I don't know if I'm emotionally strong enough to be a single parent and I don't know how we'll get by financially. I know it's something I have to do sooner or later but I'm so scared. Please help!

Minime85 Sun 03-Nov-13 10:20:59

hi. we told our two dcs yesterday we are separating. we have been together 13yrs. its been a rollercoaster month. it had been coming for a while. My Dh was the instigator not me but I like you kept trying and trying for myself but for dcs too. in end I said enough is enough its not going to work. he couldn't / wouldn't make the changes needed. he leaves next week. we waited to tell dcs until he had a house to go to. I'm not going to say anything has been easy and yesterday incredibly hard. dcs very upset and know its only the start but I think as your post says you know happy parents mean happier children. yes its sad and awful and not what we plan for when we get married. I feel ashamed and sad. but i'm determined to be strong and I am lucky to be financially OK, I hope as I've just started a new full time job.
I think u need to sit and have a serious conversation with him about the future. but know that once some things are said there is no going back. so you have to be prepared to hear its over. I instigated that in my situation as in my gut I knew. I knew it was over however awful it was.
wishing you so much luck. I've found strength in my family, dcs, friends and work colleagues and mnet responses to posts, helping me know I'm not the only one going through this 'new' reality that has become my life thanks

Holly300 Sun 03-Nov-13 16:32:54

Thanks so much for the reply. My heart goes out to you having to go through such a tough time. I'm sure it must be difficult as your hubby instigated this - but then like you said you knew in your gut things weren't right when you addressed it. I'm pretty sure that when you've found your feet and a new kind of happiness, you will be glad that things have ended. Although it may not seem that way now. I think it's quite natural to feel guilt where your kids are concerned. You should be proud of yourself rather than ashamed though. I can't imagine having your strength! I think I still have a long way to go to find the inner strength that I need. It sounds awful but at times I think I actually hate my oh as I feel I could have a much happier life without him living with us. It must be saying something when I've got to the point where I'd rather be on my own and face all the obstacles that come with it, than stay with him and feel depressed. I'm just so worried about it damaging our children... They are my world sad

Minime85 Sun 03-Nov-13 18:09:17

kids are very resilient. mine are 8 and 6. they were devastated yesterday but bounced back and laughed and joked and just enjoyed watching fireworks outside. I think the younger they are the better. I'm a teacher and see effect on secondary children. I didn't want that for mine. I knew it would be worse. I set myself that by my next birthday I wouldn't be living this way. maybe sitting down and doing something similar might help? not to say its all got to be perfect by then but there needs to be a change. I'm not as strong as I sound but have a brilliant new job that is a great distraction! good luck

Holly300 Sun 03-Nov-13 20:13:44

Thank you! It's good to get some support on here and hear someone else's experience. I totally agree with you, the younger the better... My kids are similar ages to yours at 8 and 5. I feel like I'm a bad mother for putting off so many times and that I should do it sooner rather than later! I did say to him last time that this was his last chance and that was back in feb, so this has been a long time coming!

Holly300 Sun 03-Nov-13 20:15:04

Forgot to say... I wish you all the luck and all the happiness you deserve grin

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