New Relationship Financials

[Angelang69]

Hi

I thought I would post a thread relating to new relationships and financial obligations after divorce.

I had been with my ex husband for 23 years. We have one child who was 5 at the time of the separation (10 Now). We live in Scotland.

My husband is self employed builder/joiner and when we separated he agreed to pay £500 a month for my daughter This was to pay her childcare after school and for me to reduce my working days from 5 to 4 as we didn't have any childcare on a Monday.

Since the split he is now with another woman and has had a daughter who has now turned 2 yrs old. As soon as his second child was born he reduced my daughters payments to £200 a month with no notice. He is a self employed builder and he had said that work was slow due to the recession.

He has sold our marital home which was in his name and I got £0 from this. Equity of approx £130k . He now lives in a large farmhouse with his new partner (which has 4 barns, one of which has recently been converted and has been rented out), the barn had been for sale for a few months but hadnt sold quickly enough. He has sold our marital home now and has made approx. £130k on it, which is his to keep.

I am now in a new relationship and have moved into a property which is jointly owned by me and my new partner. I am finding the financial dynamics of the new relationship and old relationship difficult.

My ex husband thinks that £200 a month is adequate (my daughters childcare alone is £150 per month!). I realise the building trade is slow at the moment and was happy to accept the lower amount of money for a time (2 years), but his property has now been sold and he is renting out another property. He doesn't make up for his lack of finances by taking his child to school, watching his child when she is sick or looking after her in the holidays for equal time (assuming he isn't working so often). I have to rely on my parents and my new partner to help me out in these situations.

To make things even more difficult I don't know what is the "norm"
regarding finances in a new relationship with someone who isn't my childs "Real" father.

Currently we have a joint account which I contribute 43%, him 57%. We buy our cars separately, I pay half of all holidays despite earning £20k less than him.

I don't know what to do, should I speak to my ex again regarding his maintenance? I know if I go to the CSA they said I could expect 15% of my husbands net income (but his books are always fudged as cash never goes through them) so this would give a skewed financial picture and I could end up with less money than I am getting at the moment.


What should I expect from a new relationship with a guy who earns £20k more than me and has never had any kids of his own.


I feel a bit let down. I have compromised my own career for my husbands business for the last 20 yrs. Now I am in a situation where I can only work 4 days in my current jobs and cant get any employment for another day.
Can anyone offer me some advice?

Thanks

[TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet]

Hi there
Sorry you're going through this.
Do let us know if you'd like us to move this to relationships.
Thanks
MNHQ

[78bunion]

The point is Scotland. You need to speak to a Scottish solicitor as rules in England are different from Scotland. however I would have supposed in both countries the sale proceeds should be divided in two. In England as soon as divorce was considered if the house was in his name you would have registered notice at the Land Registry that you were a spouse and then the house could not be sold without your notice nor your share of the proceeds going to you. Now he has the £130k he has probably spent it or hidden it.

As he will probably cook his books forever you might in the UK be pushing for most of the £130k never mind half of it as you are not likely to get much money from this man in the next 10 years nor help with practical childcare. I suspect the best solution long term will be if you can move back into full time work paying enough to cover your childcare. As to whether your new boyfriend should pay plenty of richer men (and women by the way) do pay for a new partner's children including things like nannies and school fees if they are rich enough. It is all relative but there are no rules. It is up to the new couple to agree and most men and women prefer to be self sufficient and support their own children through their own work where they can.

Does your ex's new partner work? If not and she is at home with her child perhaps she could look after the child 2 days a week to save you and your ex paying a lot out for childcare to enable you to work full time.

[Angelang69]

Hi

The house and mortgage was in my ex husbands name. We bought the house together in 1992, he then had an affair in 1994, he paid me £3500 which was half the equity at 1994. The house was put into his name at this point. We then got back together again in 1998. I thought as I had paid the mortgage for the 10 yrs we stayed together from 19989 to 2008 then it would simply be a calculation of a split 50/50 if we sold the house as I had custody of my daughter or worse case scenario 50/50 from the time I started paying the mortgage (1998), to when we split in 2008. Not so... how shocked was I.
My ex husbands partner works 2 days a week as an interior designer. She has her own business as well,

[Angelang69]

Yes could it be moved to relationships?

[78bunion]

I don't know Scottish law. I think it is less generous to lower earners than England. It sounds like Scottish law did not give you anything like you would have had from the house sale in England.

[Angelang69]

Thanks for the Advice. Time for a chat with my current partner and another with my ex husband I think.