Negativity as he fails to admit to emotional effect of divorce

(3 Posts)
friendlyanimal Fri 06-Sep-13 05:17:12

Advice or shared experience needed please: Background is that DP has been separated for many years, DW left him for someone else who has been living with her and some time after this, DP and I got together. He has been through mediation and has reached an agreement. Divorce process is ongoing. He is awaiting decree nisi (solicitor says this is imminent). In mediation he agreed to clear his remaining posessions (huge amount of tools, some clothes and a lot of stuff collected over years) from the old family home. He has gone back to the house for the past three days to do this (he put most of the stuff in a skip as he said it was mostly rubbish) I think he found this quite upsetting in itself and was then shouted and sworn at by his teenage daughter. He claims to be emotionally unaffected or "dealing with it", but we have (for the first time in our relationship) had arguments over the most petty things every evening. I have tried to be understanding and supportive but he will not express any feelings and seems to be chanelling all his negativity into looking for arguments about what TV programme to watch etc. The arguments seem to come out of nowhere and take me by surprise. They are actually pretty mild (absolutely no violence and only a little swearing) and we make up every night afterwards, but it is still not nice. I feel so sorry for him, but am struggling to know how to help and how to avoid these stupid arguments. Any advice or similar experiences?

MiraGohil1 Fri 06-Sep-13 11:26:50

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Handywoman Sat 07-Sep-13 10:01:31

I'm afraid I would be quite concerned about this reaction, and its implications my my own relationship, OP. Arguments coming out if the blue? Not reasonable behaviour. Don't make excuses for it - insists that he discusses what's happening. If he doesn't I'd be even more concerned, tbh.

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