Agreed to split - what happens now?

[seagrassandshells]

H and I have (amicably) agreed to split up.

Can someone advise me of what I need to do now. It is currently friendly and I don't want to get "all legal" on him (and obviously want to spend as little as possible on legal fees) but I also want to make sure financially that ds and I are ok.

H will leave the marital home and rent nearby. He is happy to see ds 1-2 nights a week and I think we could agree this between us comfortably. Emotionally I think ds will be ok. He is only 3 and as things are amicable and we are both focused on him I am confident he will be ok. If anyone does have any advice about what to tell a child of this age I would appreciate it though - I will google.

I can pay the mortgage by myself (he says he will want some equity out in 2 yrs when it's time to renew mortgage but I can review then what i can afford I think...)

In the meantime I want to be clear about what happens financially. H seems to think we just split everything 50/50... Is this right? We have no joint savings as its all on our house (£140k equity and £260K mortgage) but I have about £20k worth of shares in my name, (bought while we were married), £5k in an ISA and he has £5k in an ISA.
The equity in our house was contributed by both of us. (more by me as I had an inheritance before we were married and got £40k through redundancy though I assume this is "ours" as it happened when we were married.

I am freelance and have about £20k in my business account.

I am moving to a permanent job in sept and will earn around £50k. H earns around the same (though I'm not sure exactly how much).

Is it just as simple as a 50/50 split and he pays me what csa recommend for ds?

H is a very reasonable man however his parents are not - they already 'blame' me and FIL is an ex financial bod so I can see them getting involved so I want to have things straight in case it gets ugly...

I will be making appointment with solicitor on Monday!

Thanks for any advice.

[purplewithred]

Well done for keeping it amicable. Gather all the financial information you can before going to the solicitor and have a clear view of what you want advice on. How it worked for me was 50:50 as the start point for all equity, and that does include the equity in the house, any savings either of you have (those shares are marital property, they aren't yours alone), any pensions, and anything else of value - eg if you have a very fancy car and he has an old banger they could both go into the central pot. We had 50:50 shared care (in theory!) so no maintenance but there is a CSA maintenance calculator to base payments on. As I understand it if that split is OK to provide your DC with a reasonable standard of living in their main residence then it shouldn't be too much hassle.

However, it is very well worth having a solid plan in place for 'what if'. What if he decides to buy sooner and needs his money out of the house? If he doesn't need equity for 5 years what's the basis of the valuation and split? what if one of you decides DC should go to private education and the other doesn't? Do you plan to divorce sooner or later? Is that £20k in your business a shared asset or your salary? How would he react if you met someone else and moved them in to what was your shared home?

IME worth planning for the tricky issues while things are amicable.

[seagrassandshells]

Thanks purple - we have managed to agree finances and childcare amicably and just need to get it legalised now.
Talk about emotional!