Unmarried Couples - Rights on Separation - None?

[Karenblixen]

I think I have now read every scrap of paper written on the legal situation of unmarried couples in England (14 years too late).

May I please point out that I am from another Western European country where the legal situation for cohabiting couples is different and therefore assumed it would be similar here, just to justify the naive attitude I had when I entered this relationship.

P and I met though work 16 or so years ago. He told me he was divorced and after he pursued me for a long time I started dating him. He seemed to be Mr Perfect, quickly proposed to me (three times), I became pregnant and he convinced me to move to the UK to get married and have a family together. I gave up my quite well paid position as a Sales Director and moved to the UK. He immediately persuaded me to spend some of my maternity payout on a joint holiday, tried to stop me from having my own bank account (I insisted on that) and admitted that his divorce was not finalised and he had decided not to get married anyway.

He also bought a house which is in name only and made me undersign a legal document that stated I have no residential rights.

His behaviour towards me changed and he turned into an "abusive twunt". After I had spent my savings during the following 18 months or so he proposed I should work for his business and employed me formerly. (During these 18 months he did not financially support me other than providing a roof over my head and food).

However, the money he is paying me is spent on household costs, bills etc but I am not contributing to the mortgage. It is irrelevant, but I have worked out that by using my tax allowance he is saving quite a lot and would spend almost the same on his own costs if he paid the same amount that he pays me to himself, due to his high tax code.

After all costs are paid there is not much more than a pocket money amount left for my personal spending and there is a huge imbalance between his and my own life style. My conclusion is therefore that I am "cheap labour".

We have two DCs (school age). I would like to suggest to him to split up but because of the children I would find that irresponsible on my part, as I would be left with nothing, as I understand current legislation.

I have another thread on relationships and have had simply overwhelming support from what have to be the nicest people I have "met" over here.

I am posting here to see if anyone has any experience or has split up in similar circumstances? Are there any legal loopholes? Or will I just have to accept the fact that I have worked very hard the past 15 years, raised our children, looked after the family home, worked in P's business, did all family admin, made sure the DCs get into good schools, gave up my flourishing career etc - to be left with nothing?

Thank you all who took the time to read this. Advice desperately needed.
I am stuck!

[cathan]

Not being married puts you in a terrible position, I'm afraid. Your children would have a claim on your partner if you separate, but as far as I know, you would not. The house is in his name, you haven't contributed to the mortgage. You would certainly have to get legal advice and probably take him to court if you wanted a share of his assets. I think your only option is to as Citizens Advice for their opinion (which would be free). You might be able to get maintenance for the children through the CSA but they have a dreadful record. Sorry to be less than optimistic.

[AuntieStella]

If you are not married, the only law that applies is that relating to ownership of property. If the property is not in joint names, you have o claim on it. But he must support his children and it can be possible secure an order allowing you to stay in the family home with the DC until they reach their majority. You need to take legal advice on this.

How you spent your money in the past, or what employment deal you settled for, simply don't come into it.

[Karenblixen]

Thank you. I am not expecting a miracle, but I can't help thinking that there must be something I can do.

[Karenblixen]

I am actually not keen to stay in the family home (huge place that requires a lot of maintenance, no thank you), it would be nice of him to settle on a sum to buy a small place for the DCs and myself in my name, but this is not likely to happen. He is quite well off and can easily afford maintenance.

[FrebbieMisaGREATshag]

Get to a good solicitor. You MAY have an equitable interest in the property.

Get to a good solicitor.

Get to a good solicitor.


Have I said it enough times?

[Karenblixen]

Equally, I don't want to be the person who drives dad out of his home, however nasty he is now, there is a strong possibility that the DCs will hold that against me once they will have forgotten about his nastiness and he is bound to complain to them.

[Karenblixen]

Freebie, I cannot afford a solicitor. At the going rate, I can afford 30 minutes of solicitor's time per month.

[FrebbieMisaGREATshag]

Post in legal on here then

Most solicitors give the initial half hour free

[Karenblixen]

Sorry, meant Frebbie, autocorrect driving me mad. I have to do my own research and then get a solicitor to fill the gaps. Since I officially have a fake salary, I don't even qualify for legal aid, even though there is evidence of domestic abuse.

[Karenblixen]

Thanks, I will try that. I will go off and find legal and copy the post to start with.

[Karenblixen]

Done that, hope MN don't mind?