Hi everyone, this is my first post so if you notice I'm doing anything wrong, feel free to point me in the right direction.
My XH left me 2½ years ago completely out of the blue, no OW as far as I know just said he didn't love me anymore (I now know through MN that this BS is reeled off to 100's of women every day).
We'd been together 20 years, married for 17. Three DC, 12,13 and 15 at the time. I'd built my whole life around him, ran my own business which enabled him to be a SAHFather, then encouraged and supported him to start his own business which gave us a good standard of living. One day he came home from work early and said he wanted us to talk. Gave me the bombshell - "I'm leaving you, I'm not happy, I don't love you anymore, I only love you as the mother of my children (!), we wont be getting a divorce, we'll keep running the business and leave the finances as they are until the youngest is 18 and then we'll sell the marital home and share everything out"
I nodded in dumbfounded disbelief and said is this why you never show me any affection and why we only have sex when you're drunk? He answered, "yes, you've done nothing wrong, its just how I feel", he went immediately and left me to tell kids when they came in from school.
I cried for 6 months solid, tried to come to terms with it, couldn't understand why he would walk out on such a great lifestyle, 3 fabulous kids, eldest just embarking on Y11, I loved him blindly, adored him and had done everything I could to make his life successful, comfortable and happy.
8 months after he left i received a letter from his Sol saying XH wanted to sort out financial affairs and perhaps I would get myself some legal representation.
I put it off, I didn't want a divorce, but another letter came urging me to see a sol. Cutting a long story short for now, that was almost two years ago and we made no progress through solicitors or mediation. There is absolutely no communication between us at all. When I saw him at mediation he practically spat words at me and treats me as if I stabbed his own mother. I realise now from MN that this is a common reaction from XH trying to offset his guilt/complete shitness by making me out to be the bad guy.
Yesterday i received a notice from Court to attend a hearing on 28th August, once again I spent the day in tears and sunk into depression. Just because I wont agree to his demands he's threatened court no end of times and now he's done it, even though the costs are ridiculous to say the least. And now I have to go through the whole summer with this hanging over my head. Im still in the marital home with 2 dd's, ds fell out with me over his use of PS3 and took himself off to live with his dad, where he has much more freedom to behave inappropriately on FB etc.
I cant afford the bills here and cant move out and rent as I only have a small income. I have met someone else now who tries to help me out emotionally and is very patient but we're not able to live together yet for various reasons and TBH what else can your new partner do to help other than listen patiently and offer support. I hate this whole thing with solicitors and mediation and court, its all money I dont have and it almost finished my kids and I off emotionally.
Just thought Id ask if any MNers have had similar experiences and particularly help me with what to expect at court. All disclosures have been lodged with lawyers several times as its gone on for so long. Does anyone else think that divorce lawyers prolong the agony and keep things going on purpose?
BTW did I mention that XH is a stubborn, dictatorial, rude, abrupt DHead, who puts on a show to his family and friends that he's the victim and according to him I'm dragging my feet over divorce finances cos I'm greedy.
Hoping to hear from some new MN friends
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Divorce/separation
Divorce finances - court hearing booked 28th August!!
8 replies
Tillytrouble · 11/05/2013 18:04
OP posts:
Fuckwittery ·
12/05/2013 08:20
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