I have been separated for 2 years and now wish to introduce my girlfriend to my children (7 & 10).
FOR: 2 years is long enough for the children to adapt to the separation and get used to me living in another house. I have taken my time to get to know this woman, known her for 9 months, decided that it is getting serious and even had a couple of arguments so that I feel comfortable with all aspects of a relationship (I hasten to add that I didnt deliberately have an argument with her! What I mean is that I accept her shortfalls and she mine). I have actually started the introduction process and am going slowly - events with my brother and his family. All seems to be going well and I have tried to delve into my children's emotions to see if they are anxious or feel guilty and all the other potential pitfalls that psychologists highlight. So far though, the children are just children, no need for therapy just more toys please, and all is ok.....
AGAINST: My ex wants to control when and how I introduce the new girlfriend. I 'must' discuss the situation with my ex, is the new girlfriend serious? (I did see someone else in the first year of separation for a brief while, but the children were never introduced as the relationship didnt develop enough). This topic is a joint issue as it involves the children and as a major event in our children's lives I am not permitted to make unilateral decisions as to how and when I introduce a girlfriend. We have not Divorced yet and so we must sit down and discuss this with the children (I thought we had had that discussion 2 years ago. I admit that we may not have used the "D" word, but I thought we had discussed it on an age appropriate level rather than going into the details of decree nisi etc) they have not come to terms with the separation (no surprises there, but I strongly think they are experiencing normal desires for us to get back together rather than anything too extreme). I could go on but I feel there is a constant list of demands that I will never really satisfy.
Overall it seems to me that my ex wants me to put my life on hold until the divorce is complete, then there needs to be another period of adjustment for the children. If I go against the wishes of my ex then she will stop access to the children. If I comply with my ex, I will probably lose the girlfriend
Obviously, the welfare of my children is extremely important and I would not want to create confusion in their minds or upset them or accidentally drive some sort of wedge between them and their mum. But what should I do? I have told the Ex that I have a girlfriend, I dont mind being given some advice but surely its up to me now?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.
Divorce/separation
Is my ex controlling or am I being unreasonable?
6 replies
gus71 · 25/04/2013 14:40
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.