Get a life?

[justthewayiam]

Hi im just the way I am. 52 years old with a lovely son of 14 and I was 'left' by my husband three years ago. The subject title I have chosen sums up what im trying to do but find theres plenty 'out there' if you are looking to date but if you just want to find similar minded people of any sex its well 'limited'. And so I ask, is anyone else out there who just wants to find a life without necessarily 'hooking up'. Without sounding melomadratic its do or die cos this is just E-x-i-s-t-i-n-g. Please can u help:)

[Mosman]

Have you tried joining spice or something similar to make friends and widen your circle socially

[justthewayiam]

Hi Thanks Mosman for suggesting spice whom id never heard of. Had a quick look via google and it looks like something I will investigate. Would never have found it. I am only just 'considering' going out again as I only felt really comfortable going out with my husband but as thats no longer an option... again thanks:)

[Mosman]

I met a lady of 82 yesterday who looked amazing and put me to shame in terms of how full her life is, they say youth is wasted on the young lol
You have many years of happiness a head of you I'm sure of it.

[justthewayiam]

Yes Mosman sometimes we need a wake up call to put life into perspective, my husband leaving me (which of course was never going to happen to me) stripped me of any confidence I may have held and it feels that you dont want to bother as you feel you dont have anything of value to say or contribute. For that reason I swing from yey to neh when considering joining any friendship groups or clubs. Mind you depression hinders this too when im in a low. Im forced to be here because my son needs me so Im trying to'make the best of it' feel a bit of a loser on the whole. Always been fiercely independent in the past(pre marriage) sometimes feel ive got stronger then 'bam' back down I drop. Could kick myself HARD! Bugger! Been menopausal sincd he left, have a teen with attitude(love him) elderly parents with deteriorating health and going through lengthy divorce. BRING IT ON!

[MatureUniStudent]

I joined a modern choir - I loved it! The singing made me so happy, I didn't have to read music (because I can't) and they don't care if your voice is good or bad. Got me out of the house and feel alive again.

It's a cliché - but what about a course? A lot that improve your maths or English are free. Flower arranging? I always planned to join the WI - I know I know - but these places are full of women, so there is no pressure.

Volunteering - we have a local volunteer center where you can get involved in whatever takes your fancy? and ENJOY! I am 4 years on and loving it - I try things that I would have never dared try when married, and its such fun. Its just fine being on your own, it just takes a long time to get used to it and confident abut going out on your own - wear your wedding rings if it helps, you don't then have to explain or discuss being single?

[mayihaveaboxofchoculaits]

I'm not on my own,but I might as well be.
The kids are teenagers and I realised just how much iv'e disappeared by "doing" for them. Its such a cliche!
I've joined a choir too- like MAT- and although its early days and not what I would have choosen im determined to make it work.
The kids have all done duke of edinburgh, and im using that as a guide.Something physical(swim),skill(choir)voluntary(still working on that)and mayby an expedition(holiday, by self or with interest group). Things may change but having a framework and getting out regularly lays the groundwork.

[justthewayiam]

I am pretty active. I have a job working with children at school and with the extra housework(man stuff)gardening, and looking after my boy I find motivation comes in bursts then quickly lose the will when I feel so exhausted. I know I sound like im whining. I looked into spice and it looks great but seems most activities are on the mainland (i live on the Isle of Wight) Tried looking for groups on the Island and theres less than little choice.

[Mosman]

I think we are all the same, I've thrown myself into dating because I still feel mr right is out there waiting for me but then feel vulnerable to making bad choices, again. I question my judgement of character all the time, I never thought my husband would cheat and yet the writing was on the wall from day one.
I think you have to take each day as it comes but I do remember my last break up with the boyfriend before DH and one day you wake up and realise you haven't thought of him all that week/month and life is ok, good even. It's just time corny as that sounds.
We are all here for you, the support here is amazing and a lifeline xx