Now what? I need clear, woman-to-woman advice PLEASE!

[BadAsssss]

DH and I are going to separate. Together 12 years, married 6 years, two children (8 and 4). I have instigated the separation as the atmosphere between us has been awful for a year. It isnt really anyone's fault. The love just isnt there any more.

What now? I am going to see a solicitor next week but really have no clue as to what we should do. I am about to start a full time job after working sporadically since the kids were born. He is self employed and makes OK ish money. We have a mortgage together on our house.

We both envisage we will somehow share custody / childcare, as we are both hands on parents. But how?

I feel totally clueless and frightened.

[Spero]

It is really scarey but it does get better. Breath, prepare to have wobbles but hold on for light at end on tunnel.

You need to have a clear idea in your mind of all your assets and liabilities. Work out what is in the matrimonial pot.

Then you need to think practicalities - where do you need to live for work/schools, can you both afford somewhere nice, if not which of you is going to be primary carer of children and hence have bigger/nicer place. Can yoi afford to stay where you are?

One of you might have to wait for your full share of matrimonial assets if the children need the lions share now.

The children will be the courts first consideration. As you have only worked sporadically since they were born, you have a good argument for a share of his pension, if he has one, as you have obviously damaged your earning and saving capacity by looking after the children.

Best of luck, hopefully you will feel more confident and less scared after seeing sols.