Advice needed - pregnant and feeling so trapped in bad relationship

[bettyblue238]

I'm in need of some advice.

I'm 8 months pregnant and have decided to leave my OH. It's a big decision to walk away from 4 years of marriage but I know that it just isn't right. Our relationship feels ok some daysbut mostly I feel miserable and deep down just know I'm not with the right person.

In an ideal world all this would have come out before getting pg but I things didn't seem as bad then and having had an mc before I just focused on looking forward and having a baby. Unfortunately though I now realise our relationship isn't working. I want the very best for our child and I don't want to bring a baby into a bad relationship.

My husband doesn't see it this way though. Even though he has lied to me countless times, talks to me in an incredibly dismissive way and does everything for his own gain rather than thinking of me and baby he claims to love me. He swings between being very upset about the break-up and claiming I'm controlling, stopping him from being a father etc to being very angry and shouting. Mostly he just won't accept it.

I have no intention of stopping him being a father. I want him to see his child as much as possible and I'm sure he will be a great dad. Individually I think we'll be very good parents but together we're not good. He is digging his heals in and refusing to discuss separation and all the practicalities. I feel so trapped an just don't feel like I have the strength to sort all the practical arrangements out on my own while heavily pg.

I feel like I will be stuck with him in our home living a miserable life because he won't agree to separating. Any advice on what I should do would be move appreciated.

[Mosman]

You kind of are stuck with him because he is that baby's father.
Is there any chance all of this could be resolved ? I speak as somebody who nearly left every time I was pregnant because I thought it was all so bad and booked in to have abortions too.
I just wonder if now is the time.

[Skygirls]

Have you tried speaking to someone outside your relationship about your feelings? Maybe see a councillor?
I'm not negating what you feel, but at 8 months pg, your hormones are all over the place, and can make your thoughts be governed by emotions.

I wouldn't say necessarily that you are stuck with your DH. Yes, he is the father, but that doesn't mean you have to stick with him.

Do you have a place to go and stay now and after you've had your baby, if you decide that leaving now is the best thing? Your DM?
Will you be able to cope and provide for you and baby?

I would say that since you are so close to due date, that it might not be the best thing to walk out now, unless you have somewhere to go and have support.

It's a sad situation, but if you feel your marriage is over/ you no longer love your DH and feel this is the right thing to do, then you have your answer.
IMHO I would wait until after the birth. You will only be more stressed out with sorting out a new place to live etc.
Whatever you decide, take care of yourself. You'll only be in a rut if you allow yourself to be.

[Skygirls]

because he won't agree to separating.

He can't prevent you from separating, if that is what you want. Is he going to physically stop you from leaving?
You just pack up and leave. He can't stop you.