How and when to tell him? help please?

[sarahe14]

Hi all, I am new but really need to talk to people in same position.
I have been married for 26 years to a very selfish controlling man and i have finally plucked up courage to leave him.
I have set up own bank account and am looking for a house as i do not want to stay in our house, and i have had legal advice also.

If you have done this please tell me how you told OH you were leaving, and when?
I know he will try to get me to stay and heap guilt on my shoulders to make me stay, he will also do same to our child who is 14, but will have to live with me if nothing more than school and life reasons.

Part of me feels it is unfair to spring it on him although we are very unhappy but for self preservation and to keep my fragile self confidence going i dare not tell him till i have somewhere to go.

Thanks for all ideas

[Dillie]

When I told mine, I kind of blurted it out. I just said I want us to separate.

In all honesty, the rest after that is a bit of a blur. He cried, he begged, pleaded, shouted. After about 20 minutes of him telling me that I was a fruit loop and it was all my fault he was jealous and possessive, I went to my best friend and cried my eyes out for ages!!

If there is anything I could say it's make sure you have an escape route especially if like mine he will try the guilt trip.

If there is one thing I wish I did differently, was to have some where to live, so I could just leave.

Plan it carefully. If you think he will kick off, make sure you have support from family and friends. I have been amazed and humbled by the support I have received.

I would also highly recommend counseling. It had helped me hugely as I am still living with him and it had been very hard at times.

Plus there are loads on here that will help/listen.

Wishing you the best x

[catkin14]

Thanks for your reply (sorry if confusing, change of nickname!)

I have a lot of support, many friends have begged me to leave for years but always thought i should be best for children if i stayed. That and building courage to do it!

I have been having counselling - it is this that has helped me get stuff straight in my head. I just have to find a house to go to now..

Do i take it you did leave OH?
Thanks again