impact on my son, aged 4

[makeminemango]

Hi there. I am in need of some help for my son who is just about to turn 5. I am in the process of separating from my husband, we live i the same small flat, also have a DD together. My husband is in denial, wont talk about the end of our relationship, all a bit passive aggressive. He wont answer a letter from my solicitor so I will serve my papers in the next week or so. I am going mad and under a lot of stress. I get angry. My DS sees this. He is having huge anger outbursts every day where he storms around the house throwing things, grits his teeths, screams, hits anyone in his path, lies on his bed kicking the wall. He is also having times when he is really sad. It is such a pressure cooker in our place. I know he mirrors my behaviour, but I am in hell, and I try be better each day. Any advice on what I can do for him? I ave told the school and they have some support for him there too. Thanks in advance.

[Dillie]

Have you thought about counselling? I know its expensive, but it may help you deal with things and in turn help your son.

[StarOfLightMcKings3]

My parents split when the youngest of us 4 was 5. None of us remember it. We were allowed to live where we liked in the holidays and had 24 hour access to the phone to call whoever we weren't with. We were also allowed to live where we liked during term time but had to commit to it longer term (though not permenantly). We all chose various and changed our minds once or twice throughout our childhoods. Parents got on though, so that is probably the difference. It was probably akin to having a 'services' father or mother.

[TheNebulousBoojum]

Why are you in hell, and what can you do to minimise the confusion and anger and insanity that your DS is seeing and mirroring?
You are his filter through which he sees and understands the world, he will only start regaining control of his behaviour when you are consistent and reliable and safe in his eyes.
Counselling for you sounds a good step, why are you in hell? What is causing you to lose control where your child can see it.?

[Soila]

Hi makeminemango,

It's a great thing that you have told the school. Well done to you. Sounds obvious but there are parents who ask the children to keep what is going at home a secret which can have harsh repercussions on the child.

As you have said, your son is reacting to what is going on around him but could I ask you what you have told your children about the current situation?

How much do they know about what is really going on?