I cried on Wednesday/Thursday, felt anxious on Friday and Saturday. Last night I started to feel anger and today I have started to look at benefit entitlements.
Does this mean I don't want him back? I have lots of emails I sent myself about topics like what changes Ican make, what changes Id like him to make because I wanted to reconcile but I'm confused by the feelings of anger.
We have 3 dc 11,9,6 who think he's away on business and been together 13 years. No abuse or anything like that.
On Thursday I sent him an email with some questions which he replied to then we ended up arguing on text then talking about the good old times.
On Friday we went to his mums. I asked him to call the kids this weekend out of courtesy as they miss him but nothing. He promised to contact me with some questions and thoughts that he has but nothing yet. I sent him a gentle text last night to remind him of this (I'm checking email every 2 minutes as I'm desperate to keep some dialogue going but nothing.
Do you think I'm harassing him too much? I've sent emails that are not long and rambly and think that one message a day is not overly pushy. I have lots of thoughts and ideas that I want to share with him but I don't want to push him into reconciling if he's not really up for it or seem like I'm too overbearing.
I can't stop obsessing over when he's going to contact me, what's he thinking and when he's going to call the kids. I'm really surprised at his lack of contact with them (they have phones so he could call/message them without talking to me) . Everytime I see the same car model as his my heart races.
Now I predominantly feel anger that the ball is in his court, he won't see the kids when I've had 5 days of pretending everything is ok and not contacting me at all. - even if he said that he isn't able to articulate his thoughts today then it'd help as I could stop checking email. Sigh..
I feel like Im going mad. I average about 5 hours sleep at night and feel panicky, angry and tearful. I have loads of episodes where my body forgets to breathe and I end up gasping.
Thank you for reading this long ramble. I have no friends or family that I can turn to.
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Divorce/separation
Dh left on Wednesday to think things over
30 replies
Headfucked · 25/11/2012 12:55
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