Feel uncomfortable about taking half of his pension

[carpetsw33per]

Divorcing after 17 years together.

To avoid drip-feeding: We have the children exactly 50% of the time each. We are having a clean break. He has the marital home and will buy me out of it at 80% of the market price. He threw me out when I said I wanted to divorce and be with someone else (he has not been very nice in the past. He is very controlling with money.).

He earns nearly three times my salary but I don't want any maintenance - he is insistent on this and I don't want to make him angrier than necessary. I can pay the bills (I earn 25k). I just want a clean break.

My solicitor says we should split the pensions half and half. His is 20 x my pension pot because he worked in the fire service.

HOWEVER He accrued 7 years of this in a part-time junior role before he met me, and I'm not comfortable taking half of the pension pot because of this. (He is much older than me.) My solicitor says I am being silly though.

He is really angry; says I am being a gold digger etc.

What is fair? Or do I just take my solicitor's advice, regardless of whether I think it is the "right" thing to do?

Help!

[helpyourself]

When you say you have the children 50% each, was that during the marraige or now? Have you been working all along, or at home more than your STBX? Don't rush into anything- if you can keep things amicable and not condemn yourself to a penniless old age, it seems silly to insist on half just because you can.
What do you feel you deserve?

[Happylander]

did you work the whole time and share childcare? that is the real question. I would not feel happy taking someone's pension if I had worked full time as well.

However, if you did not work to bring up your children and you both decided he was going to be the money earner and you the home keeper then yes I think you are entitled to half of the 10 years of his pension you were together. It won't be half of 17 and in fact i think it will be a hard push to get 50% anyway.

Just think if it was the other way round what would you think of someone trying to take half. I would go mental tbh!

[Collaborate]

What the court generally thinks is fair is that what has built up during the marriage be shared equally., That can then be adjusted according to need, future contri9butions, relationship generated economic disadvantage etc etc.

You don't have to accept your solicitors advice. They advise - you decide. But their advice is sound. You can't come back for a second go if a clean break order is made.