ruled against as a mother

[rebeccakeir]

My story is very long but in short my ex has the CB for both our children i have them 9 day/8nights per fortnight, but as the house wasn't worth selling and i couldn't afford the motgage we agreed he should have the benifits to assist in paying for the house. 2 years on he is now earning a substantial amount of money so i requested for the CB for one of them as, as it stand even though i have them majority of time i have no parental benifits but obviously contribute alot towards the kids, not just the general expence of them being here but uniforms, shoes etc and i have to pay CSA would you believe!
Well with in 3 months of the CB application i am i court due to a (forced on his part) breakdown in communication and he is applying for full residency.
On friday i got a call saying that the day the cafcass report was due to be filed my ex rang them with seriousy concerns about my mental health saying i was threatening to kill myself if i didn't win.
So report was changed, i am alould no contact with my children untill i have a full phyc assesment and screening by social services!
Now i wasn't that surprised by this dirty underhand last minute smear on me...what i am is though, is the total one sidedness of the report i finally got my copy of, it seems that the cafcass officer is somewhat pro dad due to his selflessness at wanting to have our children, i have been miss quoted where i am mentioned but none of my side or concerns have been acknowledged! I have been persived as a nut job who only wants her kids for financial gains! And the veiws of the children, it is clear that leading questions have be asked as they don't want to be with me....i have to convince them to go back to their dads with constant reasurance that i will see them on such and such...of and the cafcass veiw on our current contact, confussing for even an adult to grasp....they are with mummy sunday night to weds morning school drop off and every other weekend from the friday night through to weds morning now i'm sure someone with a degree might be able to work that out!?!?
Well tomorrow morning the battle commences but i wont be taking my children on holiday as planned :(

[Sweetiesmum]

Good luck for tomorrow
everything your X is saying you could be saying about your side of the story
You are selfless for agreeing to go without the usual agreed upon entitlements, all because you thought this gave him a chance to keep the mortgage and their future inheritance.
You could have lied to sway the decision of the court, but you chose honesty (he can be charged for lying to a court of law and he deserves to be found out if he is a liar)
If the kids dont like staying with him, can you get evidence from friends/family of this
You should request that the kids are offered counselling so the counsellor can hear the truth from them (its your husband who seems to be acting nuts, not you and the kids have a right to see a psychologist for their own well-being)

[rebeccakeir]

Thank you for your kind words. Although it seems so devistating atm hopefully the involvement of SS will help to give me a fairer hearing, obviously they will now look at and consider the entire picture although i dont want the children poked and proded any more, hopefully SS will agree to see them and do proper analise on their hopes, thoughts and feelings. Not like the joke of an interview cafcass with their half day training carried out with the obvious bias towards a father who must have their best interests at heart just because he is a man pushing this. The more i read the report the more flaws and contradictions in see in it though so this gives me some hope. Its the hurt and confussion that this is causing my children that hurts the most...i:m not even alould to ring them and tell them i love them :(

[Sweetiesmum]

well maybe they should be doing a full psch assessment and screening of what appear to be your X's pschopathic tendencies -
appears to have absolutely no conscience
appears to have absolutely no problem lying to sway a court of law - he is on dangerous ground here and he deserves to be charged if he is found to be in contempt of court
appears to be ruthless in that he appears to be happy to take the property and claim CSA from his childrens' mum who under the previous arrangement, had the most care
If u r not surprised at his "nasty smear" then he may have shown these nasty tendencies previously and must be assessed!
They cant stop u from buying your children small gifts eg kids magazines from the newsagent and a lollipop-if he is nasty enough not to give them he will look even more of a b...

[whereismumhiding]

What a nasty piece of work your XH is. I don't have any advice other than to agree that Cafcass is shit. Raise a complaint about them.