I've just been unreasonable since my split 6 weeks ago. I don't want to be like this.

[Likeasingleparent]

I'm really upset with myself as for the first time since our split 6 weeks ago (I left him, we have 20month old DD), I've been unreasonable. Just need to vent as sitting here in tears. I'm annoyed at myself. I've been incredibly reasonable since the split, but not today (too long a story as to why the change).

I booked an osteopath appointment for our DD to check out her walking, ex wanted to come. I told him he didn't need to come,wouldn't benefit our DD and that I didn't want to endure the horrible atmosphere. He told me I couldn't proceed without his consent and that until he'd spoken to our DD's consultant that I couldn't do anything and to cancel the appointment.

Now, I realise that I was wrong. If he wants to come then I should be glad he cares so much about our DD. But I didn't want him to come as a) didn't see the point (he never bothered when we were together) and b) I really didn't want to have to be in the same room as him.

It was wrong of me.

God, this separation thing with a child is hard. Normally when you separate you don't have to see the person you don't love anymore again if you don't want to. You can deal with your emotions away from the ex. But this way, you can't avoid the ex. I'm just finding my feet.

Any advice?

ps - Ex was Mr Nice on the surface, but to me ended up being a controlling, manipulative and totally unreasonable man(hence me leaving).

[Numberlock]

Could he take her on his own?

[Likeasingleparent]

I suggested he took her to the follow up appointment (as this is the first appointment she will have) but he didn't go for that.
I should've put my personal feelings aside (hard to do at times).
I told him this but he has no emotion and only writes emails which he can pass on to his solicitor if he ever needs to. I made the mistake of being human. He, of course, only writes emails that are official.

I just wished he could acknowledge why I didn't want him to come or feel it necessary for our DD. But I suppose, he wanted to come for HIM, as he's concerned. That makes him a good Dad, so I shouldn't have said no to him coming.

It worries me though, because he's manipulative and controlling and will keep any emails I send. Out of the blue, after 4 weeks of us being amicable and him seeing DD as much as he wanted and me actively encouranging him to see her (he even invited me for tea it was going so well), he then went to see a solicitor because he didn't get to see DD for one weekend (with advanced warning from me 2 weeks before). Last week I had to sit in a room with him for 2 hours in Family Mediation whilst he didn't budge on a thing and got what he wanted. The week before, we seemed like relatively friendly ex partners.

The whole thing makes me so sad as it's now turned ugly and that was the last thing I wanted.

[whereismumhiding]

Don't beat yourself up. I can understand why you didn't want him there in same room. Things were strained between you and you wanted to focus on your DD. You could always offer that he comes next time and give him detailed email feedback (or even verbal feedback).
It would be ideal if you could both attend together but really missing one visit to one consultant is not end of the world.

[whereismumhiding]

Courts look for substantial pattern of one parent excluding the other, not a one off in the early days. If that helps.
But yes, i found best not to send emails when wobbly. My tip would be - If you must write one, leave his email address off and send it to yourself to look at in 3 days time in the light of day, and edit down- or get a calm friend to do it for you, & only then send it.

[Collaborate]

IME it's perfectly reasonable for you to want to take your daughter to an appointment on your own , particularly if there's going to be an atmosphere if he attends.

I don't think a judge would criticise you for going ahead with the appointment. On the contrary, your ex would come in for some heavy criticism by trying to frustrate such an appointment, and I don't think he will be allowed to cancel it.