'facts' for divorce - unreasonable behaviour.... HELP needed

[rednailpolish]

I am divorcing my dh on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour, rather than waiting for the 2 years seperation. He has never done anything awful like physical abuse, been a drunk, gambled away our money. But over the years we have simply become different people and have grown apart. we have been together 20 years, I have been unhappy for the last 4...we seperated in feb and i now want to proceed with the divorce. He doesnt... So now i have to write down exactly why i want a divorce... but i'm finding it really difficult because i just want it to go smoothly without inflaming the situation. Some of the reasons i would give dont make for nice reading and he wont appreciate that they are either true, or that it is just necessary in order for the divorce to go through. When i explained why i didnt want to be with him anymore he just didnt accept my reasons....

So i need help on how to phrase it. For those of you who have done this, what did you write as your reasons?

thank you x

[Collaborate]

Just put something like:

There was a lack of love and affection

No communication

Separate social lives.

No sex life.

Constant arguments over trivial matters.

Obviously pad it out, but just a little.

This probably applies to 99% of divorces.

[rednailpolish]

Thank you,....how much detail do i need to provide? I'm worried if its too vague the judge wont pass it??

[MyLittleMiracles]

I am currently waiting on mine but mine was awful, you can put things like breakdown

[rednailpolish]

sorry to hear that MLM....why is yours awful? your post hasnt come out in full? x

[MyLittleMiracles]

My ex won't sign the acknowledgement of service form so I have to go to court for the court to allow it to proceed without him acknowledging it. I put on mine the truth the last incident if violence, his cocaine habit/addiction, that he cheated on three occasions that I know of. That apparently is enough for it to proceed. It takes forever, I started mine in February and now waiting on the court to allow it to proceed. It does take longer.

[rednailpolish]

I dont have anything like that to say about him.... we just grew apart and cannot now live together.... all my 'complaints' are minor in comparison to yours. I can see that my husband wont want to sign either.... things with us are amicable ish and i just dont want to rock the boat by saying anything too harsh.... the children are settled and happy and i dont want to cause a row again but on the other hand i know i have to put something strong enough for a judge to agree it.... everytime i write it down i just imagine his reaction to it, he will tell me I'm awful and nasty for thinking those things of him because he doesnt acknowledge that i have any reason to say them.

[MyLittleMiracles]

Well according to my ex neither do I. If you find enough faults, never spent time together, no communication, lack of intimacy, lack of respect, unhappy family life should convince a judge (fingers crossed)

Me and my ex aren't amicable Andy DS doesn't see him atm, which isn't my choice. So when in time he does want to see him he can go take a running jump.

[rednailpolish]

the whole thing is kinda pants isnt it!

[MyLittleMiracles]

Complicated, pants and takes too long! Not that I plan on remarrying.

[Collaborate]

Doesn't need to be too detailed at all. In fact the less detail the better, as too much detail stokes the fires of conflict when often there are issues of children and finance to resolve. My local county court has a policy of only refusing behaviour petitions in exceptional circumstances.

[rednailpolish]

thank you for your advice collaborate x

[user1465365718]

Going Solo after 28 years

Separation is a possibility at the moment.

We have one son aged 22 at home.

Been together now since 1988. We never married although we bought an engagement ring. We didn't sign any 'prenup' agreement, only a verbal agreement if I remember rightly.

We bought the house in joint names and we have no the mortgage. From day one we combined our salaries to pay for everything from food, fuel, holidays, cars etc.

I'm now in early retirement and taking the works pension of just over £1500 a month paid into our joint account. I also took 25% tax free which is in the same joint current account.

He works part time picking up circa £100 a week with a small company pension.


We own the property outright and have savings over £300k which includes my tax free lump sum. The rest is in ISA's in joint and single names and two accounts with Schroder with single name on.


So if we separate what would he be entitled to?

Can he claim from the pension being my main concern?

thanks in advance

[user1465365718]

ooops, newbie alert, sorry

[RandomMess]

@Alfiemoon1

[AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe]

@user1465365718 as you have never been married nothing.

You split all your other assets where he is jointly named such as the house down the middle.

I suggest you immediately open up your own bank account in just your name and get everything paid into there.

Once you do decide to split up you must without delay contact the bank which holds your joint account and get it frozen. This is to prevent him running up debts which you could end up being solely liable for. The bank will chase both of you but if you are the one with money they will take it from you.

I also suggest you contact your pension trustees and up date your will asap to ensure only your son (or who ever) inherits from you.