Not as liberating as I had hoped!

[Movingout]

I have posted here before. I moved out of my lovely family house at the beginning of last month. STBEXH, drinks heavily, has a failing business, enormous debts and more importantly was verbally abusive for a long time. I have two sons, now 12 and 18 who also suffered by living in such a hostile environment. Myself and the boys have now moved into a small rented flat, made possible by a loan from family and housing benefit. My eldest son has told me today that he hates the flat and has no respect for me and only pretends to like me. He thought I would changed when we moved, but he feels I am still negative and not motherly. I fear he may be right, I too thought I would feel such relief after the move, but in truth I feel miserable and incredibly insecure about the future. Does anybody else have a similar experience and does it get better?

[Collaborate]

Sorry, but what a selfish toad your 18 year old sounds like. Maybe when he eventually grows up he'll develop some empathy.

[sharklet]

Am hoping he is off to college soon... what an ungrateful little shit bag.

[ToothbrushThief]

It's too soon for you to feel 'normal'.

Teens are notorious for being arrogant, entitled etc etc. He's probably struggling to deal with his feelings and you are his punchbag.

He has also watched a role model treat his mother like this and probably thinks it's ok..... I had this with my teenage daughter. I tiptoed around her fragile and worrying about her, terrified of driving her away and also disliking her.

Eventually we had joint counselling and separate counselling (two joint sessions and different counsellors for each of us) It was a good time to tell each other how much we cared and lay down rules. She reverted back to abusive behaviour and I stood up to her this time. I'd got the security of knowing she knew I loved her but was not going to tolerate this abuse. Two days of silence and sulks later and she made an apology and we haven't really looked back.

[RedHelenB]

From his POV, maybe you should have put your kids welfare to the fore earlier in his life & moved away.

Do you show him much affection?

[Pommymumof3]

Aged 18.....old enough to move out and pay his own way if he doesn't like the way things are!!!! Jeeez

[numbertaker]

I would not take this to heart. Its just fear/hurt talking.

[Midwife99]

I agree - he is just taking on the role of verbal abuser which he sees as "normal". Stand up to him & tell him he can make his own way in the world if he is not willing to help you to move forward constructively. He is now an adult.