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Divorce/separation

At what stage in a seperation should you see a solicitor? (and other issues)

3 replies

Cambam2010 · 18/07/2012 15:59

My H and I have decided to seperate. Things have not been great for a long time and we have been sleeping in seperate rooms since February. Our house was already on the market and the sale should (fingers crossed) be completed in Aug. There will not be much equity as we are selling it cheap just so that we can both move on. We will both move into seperate rented accomodation.

I was hoping to keep things friendly but the longer we stay in the house together the more we are at each others throats.

The financial side of things isn't my main priority as I work PT and can prob manage on CTC & WTC plus maintenance. It is the custody side of things that worries me. My STBXH isn't violent but he can be hurtful in what he says and tends to use money as the basis of his arguments - "i put in more money then you", "you only work PT", "you have no ambition" etc etc. He was talking about custody the other day and was saying that he wants DS (2yo) over night and that therefore I need to stop nursing him (DS has had a few dietry issues, particularily with cows milk) and that we should break DS's routine of me settling him to sleep and let him get used to daddy settling him. Settling DS has always been left to me, through the sleep deprivation of New Born days to the times where I have stayed with him with a bucket next to me whilst being sick, so why the sudden interest?

STBXH then went on to say he might want 50/50 custody. He works 5 days a week and can sometimes be away from home. My DS has a very strong bond with me. I took 12 months maternity leave, went back to work 3 days a week and all other times we practically spend all our time together. My DS wants me for everything and refuses to let STBXH do anything for him. I have tried to explain to STBXH that a childs love is an 'investment of time' - I spend all my time with DS, he spends it either at work (fair enough) or in front of the Xbox.

In my mind I have visions of STBXH forcing DS to stay overnight and leaving DS to cry himself to sleep on the understanding that he "will get used to it".

This is what I find most upsetting of all. I have tried to explain that any overnight stays need to be on DS's terms and should be gradually built up. STBXH has only ever spent a maximum of 4hrs alone with DS and still has to ask me what to feed him, dress him in, help him change a nappy and so on.

Anyway, back to the original point, when should I think about instructing a solicitor to handle any potential issues? Or am I being overly pessamistic?

OP posts:
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countydurhamlass · 18/07/2012 19:31

i would see a solicitor now, just to get the ball rolling (dont leave it too late because next year legal aid wont be available for divorce unless there is domestic violence)

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Collaborate · 18/07/2012 21:15

I agree with countydurhamlass.

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K999 · 18/07/2012 21:21

If you can sort out a lot of issues between yourselves, then all the better. I did this with my ex h after I pointed out to him how much we would have to spend on legal fees and how much our fighting wasn't in the interest of our dd.

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