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Divorce/separation

Splitting "assets" on separation

7 replies

daffydowndilly · 12/07/2012 18:20

I was just wondering what people's experiences were.

I am about to move with my children out of a rented home, my STBXH left us 5 months ago. He's taken things out of the house that were "his" but left quite a bit behind too.

He is demanding x, y, z when I move out (kitchen goods, sofa, table/chairs etc etc). What have other people done regarding splitting things. I am on benefits (as I was a SAHM), he is about to start a very well paying job, he is currently refusing to pay the % maintenance he should come his first pay packet(s) as he has "immediate debts", and things are not overly amicable. My fear is that I can't afford to buy pots/pans/tables/chairs etc but obviously am 100% time caring for the children as he is not that interested in them. He also is currently of the mind that even though we have a joint tenancy, he will not give me any of the deposit. He was very financially abusive in our marriage, and is also demanding half of gifts he bought be (jewelry/camera - birthday stuff).

It is all so "unimportant" but I am finding it hard not just to give it all to him for an easy life. But seriously, he wants a broken children's slide and a magimix. He doesn't even want the kids and doesn't know how to turn a magimix on.

Please tell me it gets easier.

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TodaysAGoodDay · 12/07/2012 18:24

My solicitor said 'take all you want and argue about it later'. I did, and XH never got them back. The gifts he bought you are just that, gifts. You get to keep gifts, even rings. I think he's just trying to get these things out of spite. Share not, keep what's yours, leave him the rest. Be hard about this, you need to look after yourself and your kids.

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TodaysAGoodDay · 12/07/2012 18:25

It really does get easier, I promise.

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daffydowndilly · 12/07/2012 19:09

Thank you! I am feeling so triggered by it all, so it is hard to see clearly. I am so proud I have come so far in the past 5 months, since he walked out, and I can see a good future (a long way ahead, but still a good one!).

That is great advice. My dad and my lawyer have said the same, but it is so difficult to stay focused on that and not second guess or doubt myself. I agree it is all about spite, he hates me and wants to make sure he doesn't do me any "favours".

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BryterLayter · 12/07/2012 22:42

Hi Daffy
My STBX & I have been meeting & discussing via mediators (we still live in the same house tho 'separated' since February - don't ask!!) Anyway the Mediators - 1 a Solicitor, the other a mediator/counsellor, broke down main finances and assets based on value of over £500 and implied courts and anyone else wouldn't take notice of anything else.
So imo, I agree that you should keep what you have and he can make a case to you as to why he is more in need of each item than you are.

I think It might be worth your while speaking with the CSA so that when your ex is earning, the money he owes in maintenance will get to you & your claim gets dated from when you register it with the CSA - I actually spoke with them today as an enquiry... you need your NI number, a rough idea of his weekly income and they calculate the amount for you. I never remember my NI no. so I couldn't progress it but they gave me all the info. National Helpline No 08457 133 133.
Hope it all works out ok.

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daffydowndilly · 13/07/2012 07:57

Thank you!

He is coming to take the kids to his parents this weekend, for the first time in 6 weeks and a week before I move out. I think I am going to spend the whole day psyching myself up for the drama. He is upset we are moving, even though he now lives nearly 2 hours drive away from our "family home". Insanity.

The advice is good. I just need to stay strong!

How on earth have you survive living under the same room Bryter I am in awe.

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Xenia · 13/07/2012 08:20

Good luck with the weekend handover (and make sure he hands them back!).
He should be paying interim support to you - perhaps speak to your lawyer about that and tell him if he does not start paying then you will be applying for emergency interim payments from him pending the final financial divorce hearing/agreement.

He should be paying the CSA rates less the time children are with him and probably support for you too if you cannot work. It might be worth your looking at whether you could get some kind of work actually for a lot of reasons.

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daffydowndilly · 13/07/2012 09:58

Oh absolutely, I am going to start looking to get my career kick started as soon as I have moved. Definitely need to do that. And talk to my lawyer!

Do you know, it is my worst nightmare that he wouldn't hand them back, but I don't think he is interested enough in parenting them to actually do that.