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Divorce/separation

i want a divorce after 6 months, is this too soon?

6 replies

jaynel · 09/07/2012 12:00

Hi, my husband and i separated 6 months ago, ive been unhappy for a long time and put a brave face on for our dc, i couldnt take it anymore and asked him to leave to give me space to think. i told him i didnt love him anymore and hadnt done for a long time. i was very confused and became depressed with it all, just wanted time to mysel to think, i did manage to get him out the house but the last 6 months have been hell! think im more misreble now now than i ever was. he rings me texts me all the time begging to take me back, turns up at my house crying then shouting at me, accusing me of sleeping with other men. its constant.
i will admit 5 weeks after we separated i got into a relationship with someone who i fell for in a very big way. my husband found out by hacking into my facebook and now thinks i cheated on him. (which i didnt). The relationship ended as the man i was seeing could cope with my husband on the scene so much. My husband drinks all the time, blames me for ruining his and the childrens lives, his stalked me at work. now is hanging around at work freatening on facebook his going to sort out the man i was seeing which is more stress.
I didnt know how i felt when i wanted it over just wanted some time to think but now i cant even bear to look at him. his made my life hell. part of me feels i should give him another chance for his and our childrens sake but i really dont love him anymore and his actions have proved that, his freatened to end his life so many times now and i know its a horrible thing to say but i dont listen to all that anymore it happens to often now. i did get the police invovled at the begining due to harrasement but im reluctant to do it again because i dont want social services to get invovled and have them questioning my children. I just want him out of my life now. Is it all too soon?

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Shybairns · 09/07/2012 12:16

No not too soon. Try and meet him somewhere neutral, where he'll have to behave himself and when he'll be sober. Tell him the marraige is over and you'll be seeking a divorce. Then try to get him to tell you calmly how he feels about this and whether or not he will go along with it all.

Good luck. Hope it doesn't get any messier.

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jaynel · 09/07/2012 12:29

He doesnt listen to me, just goes on about us getting back together and how happy we could be again. he has already said he will not agree to a divorce so i have to find out what happens now. I dont want him back he was moody, misrebale, would come home from work in a foul mood and if the toys were out he would have the right hump and throw them in the toy box, if a light was on he would flip out, he never hit any of us but was horrible to my dd all the time. he did nothing with the children i did everything. all he cared about was me and still does, he always used to say he couldnt wait for the children to grow up so me and he could have a life, i dreaded it!
Ive read a lot of threads from other peoples relationships and they have put up with a lot worse things than me but i cant get the love back, ive really tried.

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Shybairns · 09/07/2012 12:40

Well if he won't agree to divorce now then you'll just have to loose that word from the discussions at the moment.
Does he have a house/flat that is suitable for the children to spend time with him there? Can you set things up financially so that he is giving you a sort of maintenance?
Tell him this is just a trial and a cooling of period. You can re ivaluate the situation in 6 months or so. But only if he agrees to keep things calm and agrees to the schedule you both agree to.
He hates the way things are now, but you can't magically fix it for him. He has to work for it too. You can't love him the way he is now.
Would you consider relate counselling? Or are you past that and sure you can't love him?

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jaynel · 09/07/2012 12:43

I stopped loving him a long time ago, i just want to move on with my life and he wont let me. i get his hurting but i dont want to be with him anymore.

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catsrus · 09/07/2012 13:22

you don't need him to agree to anything - you can divorce him on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour. Stalking you at work is one example - go see a solicitor specialising in divorce who offers a free initial session.

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jaynel · 09/07/2012 13:30

Ive got an appointment for september as theres a waiting list, or i can pay £90 but i dont have that at the moment but thanks for the advice

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