Feeling sorry for myself tonight...

[MimieD]

H moved out a couple of months ago and it's his weekend to have girls. I should be enjoying my free time & recover from a long week at work but instead I feel sorry for myself as I know that H has things planned with the girls & friends al weekend. Friends are mutual friends & we always used to go out as 2 families. Im just jealous & feel lousy that I won't be there and I can't take them out on day trips ( no car, no cash). Argh, why can't I just be happy for my girls that they'll have a great weekend & that H is not hanging out with his, still married, mistress...

Someone tell me that there will be a day where I will enjoy my weekends off! I miss my girls, have no family nearby & my friends are all still married/re-married. For goodness sake I live near one of the best cities in the world with loads of free museums! I need to snap out of it because I do realise its pathetic that even now H still upsets me while I should be happy the lying, cheating scumbag moved out.... I'm going to pour myself a Baileys & try to get over this mood while admiring my newly pained toenails... Thanks for listening

[tribpot]

It's still very early days, don't beat yourself up about not being better adjusted to your new circumstances. And London (assuming you mean London) can be very depressing and anonymous when you're on your own, fantastic though its museums and whatnot are.

I'd say you don't have to make yourself feel anything - newly separated and away from your girls, you're entitled to a wallow.

Early night and then a plan of action for tomorrow!

[MimieD]

Toenails are a very pretty royal blue...H would hate it

Thanks for the replies...love mumsnet..feel better already...even posted in chat too..yes it has definitely to do with feeling lonely. Looking forward to lying in tomorrow even if I probably will wake up at normal time (5:30 am). At least I don't have to get up.

[sleepymum50]

Accept that the jelously and feelings of loneliness are normal for now and try and find a little enjoyment in the small things.

You have a weekend ahead of you when you have to answer to no-one. No meals to sort, timetables to adhere to. I usually really relish the peace and quiet and the space to just go with the flow if I'm on my own. Begin to notice what you want to be doing, rather than what you should be doing.

It will be hard as you have a lot of emotional baggage still messing your head - best of luck

[MimieD]

Yes sleepymum, I think you hit the nail on the head with beginning to notice what I want to do versus what I (feel) I should be doing... will take some time indeed to change my mindset. I think I will feel more at rest when I know what the financial settlement will be, at the moment I don't know what will happen with the house, spousal maintenance, and I even don't know yet if my contract job will be turned into permanent at the end of this year...all a bit much to deal with at once...throw on top of that a cheating H still lying after we had couples counselling!
All my closest friends & myself come from traditional families, no divorcees at all. My picture of a family weekend is all together running errands or going on outings.

[MimieD]

You know one of the things I hate most is when I have to send H a text message re the girls and I keep checking the freaking phone to see if he responded yet...

[Midwife99]

I feel exactly the same at the moment. My kids away this weekend - friends all families & cosied up but to be honest I don't think I'd enjoy it if I did go out atm. I also swing between relief that I don't have to put up with any more crap & have a break sometimes now to utter loneliness & sadness & missing him.

[MimieD]

Hi Midwife, I had another wobble this morning when I woke up but feel better now. It's so so hard isn't it. It makes me so angry that he feels no remorse at all & to think he got where he is today in his job because I chose to stay at home for a few years.... Thankfully the weather is cooperating & that does help lift my mood. Will try to make the most of the weekend as I know come Monday night picking up the kids, I will soon wish for a couple of hours to myself:)

[Midwife99]

Yeah me too. Things will get better I hope

[SoupDragon]

It's shit to start with, it really is. Even after time it still rankles that XH gets to do fun stuff with the children and I end up having to cram all the dull shite into my time.

It takes a while to realise that you can go out and do whatever you want whenever you want to - and, intact, sometimes that thought can be a little paralysing because you think "I need to do something... I need to do something..." and then the time is gone :)

There's nothing wrong with doing nothing, sometimes I do just that: lounge about and do chuff all. In peace.

[Midwife99]

Yes we have to believe it will get better & I know it will. Meanwhile we need to take care of ourselves & recover.

[Midwife99]

I've just ordered Paul McKenna's book " I can mend a broken heart with mind programming cd"! I'll let you know if it helps. His weight loss cd certainly works so fingers crossed that positivity is right around the corner!

[MimieD]

Well, I had a lovely day today. Midwife, I personally dont have a broken heart, I'm just flipping angry, and anxious about the future. Definitely do not want H back as trust will never be re-built. The future is scary but lots of people have done it so why can't we!

[Midwife99]

Anger is good. On angry days I feel much more positive about the future.

[MusicForTheMasses]

Can I join you? It's still raw for me. He's taken the kids swimming this morning and other than going to the supermarket I'm feeling lost. My heart is breaking, but I think it's for my kids. I had an angry moment about him earlier, hope they become more common.

[MimieD]

Welcome MusicfortheMasses! I have so much built up anger towards the OW who caused our breakup...in my mind I beat her up so badly... That scares me too because I have never been a confrontational person but the thought of H introducing her to the kids one day just tears me apart...even though she's still married w kids and her DH knows nothing. Maybe I need to buy a boxing dummy to release all my anger
I know H has taken kids to amusement park today, something he always refused when we were together. Makes me angry and sad too even though I should be happy for kids. I now do know that I have to do the financial bit re the divorce ASAP, i don't think the insecurity is helping me move on. The decree nisi is done last week so there is really no reason to delay.

[MimieD]

Having written the post before, it helps sooo much writing thing down, just getting it off your chest.

[MusicForTheMasses]

Don't worry about it. I feel pity for the OW in my case, as I know what a miserable nasty bastard he is and at the end of the day I know he'll do it to her too, or they'll be miserable and lonely together.

Writing things down really does help. I am also heartened about how my friends have rallied round me, even ones I havent had much contact with in recent years.

[Midwife99]

Yes it helps to have a rant! I went for lunch & up the hills for a walk & a good rant with a friend today. Feel much better!!!

[MusicForTheMasses]

That's good to hear Midwife.x