Normal to be so bloody lonely so quick??

[therapymumsy]

sounds a bit pathetic....but am soooo lonely at mo! Been with H for 14 years, moved 60miles away from all i knew to be with him. had fab life and got good ish social life again through him. Now am on own through no fault of own and its bloody hard! I even thought about taking him back...... but wont! Advice needed on how to build up friendships, how to get out door etc.... kids left school so cant do school gate thing. At home with two very small fosterlings. I dont expect to be out every week but things to look forward to and adult conversation is sadly missing now......any ideas?

[springaroundthecorner]

Hi OP, you sound lovely and cheerful despite the rotten situation you find yourself in.

I cant work out from your post whether you live in the same place as you were living with your H? If you had a good ish social life through him those people were your friends too!

When I split from my stbx last year I too had a social life I perceived as being very much linked in with him and his life but I have been really surprised at how I have kept in contac, and been out socialising with people I would have presumed were "his" friends. I think the key to it is to let people know that you want to stay friendly with them, that you arent expecting them to take sides and moreover you would like to go out!

The key to it is to reach out to people I think. Perhaps ask them to meet you for a coffee if you already know them. If you want to make new friends join something, chat, tell people your situation and be open and friendly. There are more people than you think who have been in very similar situations and they are particularly friendly and supportive.

I'm not pretending it is easy because it isnt. Weekends can be the worst but if you work at it you will get results. You will also get more used to your new life and a new way of doing things. Good luck.

[therapymumsy]

Spring, many thanks for your reply. I still live in place we moved to. Will continue to do so. The thing with meeting up with his friends other halves is the feeling of humiliation I have. I feel they must all be talking about it.....I know i know.....most ppl will have better things to talk or goss about. Also his friends other halves are all a lot younger than me. But will take on board all you say about reaching out and working at it. Am not usually a negative soul and want to muster energy to give self a good talking to lol
x

[Amychanger]

I am reading this with interest as I know I will start feeling the same too. Similar situation, 14 year marriage down the pan this week. I am dreading when he will start taking kids out at w/end as all I know here and all I do revolves around other families or mums with kids or kids activities. So dreading this

[springaroundthecorner]

One other suggestion I would have which helped me and my dc at the beginning was to invite friends to stay or at least come over for Sunday Lunch at the weekend. Often you find friends whose partners are away working or off pursuing hobbies etc and they are delighted to come and visit and not spend a lonely weekend too.

[therapymumsy]

Spring, feel I had to share.... your advice about reaching out struck home. So...i actually text H friends wife and asked if she fancied coffee ....she said yes :) now she may only be doing that to gather info on my current situation but hey ho i get to go out lol Also I put message on here to see if other mums may care to meet up in my area (kent) and got replies!!!
So many thanks for pep talk it was much needed.
Amy, I feel your pain and please take Springs advice.....I didnt have children with H so dont need to worry about him taking them out. But I do find weekends hard as EVERYONE seems to have plans and exciting things to do and I am watching cbeebies with fosterlings .....please let us know how you get on with H first weekend contact xx

[springaroundthecorner]

Well done Therapy. Let us know how you get on. Small beginnings and all that. Also always remember that most people are actually nice. I have been stunned at how nice people have been to me in the last few months.