please help am so lost and scared about court proceedings

[maggieclements]

split with my ex 5 months into pregnancy, he has undiagnosed mental health issues been in prison for dealing drugs and issues with aggression since his teens. had concerns for daughters welfare when born so left him off birth cert, let him come and visit for first month she was born at my home but got aggressive verbally so told him to seek legal advice and we'd go through a contact centre. nothing from him for 6 months, then solicitors letter. i arranged a contact centre visit, where baby was left to cry for an hour an was so upset after. i had asked for her to be returned 3 times during this hour, but volunteers there were more concerned with his crocodile tears than my poor babies. i have now stopped visits, social services wont get involved and my health visitor said she cannot get involved as only has my word that daughter got upset. i am scared as he has said he is now going to take court action, an i have heard so many horror stories once this has happened. can anyone please give me some advice on what happens there, and what the outcome could possibly be? thank you. very scared mum x

[GypsyMoth]

What kind of contact centre was this? You can get cafcass to observe and sit in on a session, but I would insist he goes to parenting classes and his cc sessions are supervised and a record if each one us kept. Maybe for 6 sessions? Then it can go back to court

Remember, contact centres are only meant as a temporary measure, court will be keen to move things on if they go well. Contact centres are in great demand and waiting lists are long . And someone has to pay the costs

[GypsyMoth]

Also, the birth cert thing..... He is likely to be granted PR straightaway

His undiagnosed MH .... What's that about?

What are his current living conditions?

[WelshCerys]

Please don't be scared. Instead, take some practical steps.
Find a family solicitor. If you have a low income, you are likely not to have to pay towards the fees, or very little.

Speak openly to your new solicitor. If there is to be further contact, there will have to be rules which revolve around your baby's welfare and your ex will have to follow them.

Don't worry about the court thing just now - talk to a solicitor - take advice. I wouldn't worry too much about social services not getting involved - sometimes their involvement in a pain in the neck!

Be good to yourself - and enjoy new year with your lovely baby.

[maggieclements]

its an assisted one but only been accredited since may. as it hasnt gone to court yet caffcass wont get involved till then. i totally understand about how it should be with ex's an contact, i have a teenager from prev relationship and there was no problems at all we never even saw a solicitor about visits as i had no worries for his welfare as dad really good with him. and sane! ex has smoked cannabis since 14 which has left him terribly paranoid, carries dictaphone everywhere an u can hear him arguing with himself on it, says things such as that tables not really there, no such thing as maths, should take photos of daughters nappies, calls everyone c you next tuesday inc myself in front of the kids. list is endless of bizarre things, an at one point he did agree that he needed help with mental health but turned nasty and agressive after split. i did involve him in pregnancy an he was there at the birth. he lives in council accomodation flats, purpose built for drug addicts, alcoholics and ex offenders. he has had fights with neighbours and housing officer and police regularly involved with these problems. he has done many psychology degrees, and has a iq very high. sadly this has been chanelled into the wrong areas, and with all the drugs he has taken it's made him a very bitter person as well. i did hope stable loving family, and baby would help this but it made him even more insecure and paranoid. i do feel very sorry for him and wish we could have solved this amicably but to be honest am truly scared for daughters welfare, esp as she is only 11 months old. even me bfeeding her was wrong in his eyes, i was being controlling apparently!

[GypsyMoth]

Well you offer nothing at first court hearing. And request a section 7 to look into welfare concerns. Mediation may be requested. Agree to nothing as you have proof of all what you say, so it's very valid.

Now you gave given extra info I would say you have little to worry about.

[maggieclements]

i do have a legal aid solicitor, but she's newly qualified bless her an has not dealt with this complexed family before. have had two visits to centre, and after both visits lil one has cried for over 3 hours, wouldn't feed or sleep in own room. heartbreaking to watch, esp as i cant tell her whats going on. am not one of these mums that uses kids as weapons, an i'd dearly love for lil one to have a great loving safe relationship with dad as my eldest one has had. no one is perfect i know, but sanity and safety are quite high up in the parenting stakes. thanks so much for replying, do feel terribly alone dealing with all this as not much support for mums it seems x