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Divorce/separation

Advice needed please

7 replies

Squeegle · 26/12/2011 18:35

For some time I have struggled with a DP who drinks and is verbally abusive. He can be nice and charming, I guess that's why it's gone on with me being the eternal optimist it was going to be different this time. LAst week was a classic when he didn't come home fir the whole weekend.
I was on the verge of packing our bags and inviting myself and two DCs to my parents fir Xmas. They're about 500 miles away so it wasn't the ideal solution, but I figured it would be better than spending Xmas with one parent in a drunken state. Anyway, he promised a sober Xmas, so we stayed and it was.

However, he's now just in his roomabd kn wine bottle 2. I am so let down and angry, I just want him out. He has told me previously he won't go.

The advice I need help with is what is my legal position? We're not married, and we bought the house together. I don't feel that emotionally attached to the house, but I am loath to move out with two kids- it doesn't seem either fair or sensible. I would have to try and rent somewhere with three beds which would cost me a fortune.

Has anyone got experience or expertise? I am truly at the end of my tether, been living like this fir more than 8 years now, and despite protests of change, AA, etc, it always comes back. I can't rely on him at all and I'm tireder and tireder keeping up a brave face. Things have got to change and it looks like it's going to have to come from me. Thanks for your help.

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nkf · 26/12/2011 18:40

You need a lawywer. I think that you would probably get the right to stay in the house because you would be the better parent to the children and I think courts like to keep small children's lives stable if at all possible. Good luck.

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Squeegle · 26/12/2011 19:00

Thanks, I guess I had thought lawyers were only for people who are married. I think that's a good idea, at least if I understand my rights I may not even have to start legal proceedings, that might be enough to get DP to start moving. We don't have a lot of money, and I don't want to get in a position where we're spending it on fighting each other, but I suspect a catalyst is needed otherwise well still be having the same scenes in another 8 years!

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gallicgreetings · 26/12/2011 19:04

Perhaps a solicitor's letter asking him to move out?

Trouble is one of you will have to buy out the other in order for one of you to stay. Might be a good idea to get a valuation done and make sure you're named on land registry. You should be though, if it's a joint mortgage.

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nkf · 26/12/2011 19:05

I think a lawyer will be able to explain what you can expect in terms of support for the children.

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Squeegle · 26/12/2011 19:10

I suppose if we could agree that me and kids could stay here for a while, and then move (maybe 6 months) that would be ok. I reckon to buy him out would be much more than I could afford..

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nkf · 26/12/2011 19:57

Will he agree? I think you would do well to know your legal position and the boundaries of what is possible/likely. If he is an unreasonable drunk, then hoping for amicable split might be optimistic.

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Squeegle · 26/12/2011 20:19

He is extremely inconsistent, (that's one of the things i find hardest). When in a reasonable frame of mind he agrees with me that we have to put the children first. At other times he is an absolute arse and says things like " if I go that's it, and I won't be part of their lives any more". That is all to threaten me I think as he knows I have few family members and he knows that I worry about them growing up with little family apart from me. So I have to have a plan myself and keep my fingers crossed he will fall in with it, and have a back up if he won't.