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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

Anyone know liklihood of getting kids names changed by deedpoll without fathers consent?

17 replies

starsintheireyes · 07/12/2011 15:58

Wondering if anyones had any experience of this?
seperated beginning of the yr and now hes getting married to his gf, I dont want them all to have their dads name lots of reasons incl people will think the children are hers and Im not happy with that idea.
Hes named on all their birth certs, it says anyone with parental responsibility has to consent to the change-what happens if he refuses? Can I take him to court over it and if so how likely/or not are they to agree on the change? I want to start the ball rolling now so its done before they get married in the summer.

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rufusnine · 07/12/2011 18:33

think you'll find this is not an easy thing to do. He would have to consent which he probably wouldn't want to and i don't think the court would be in your favour at all on this! i'm not a legal person but this happened to someone i know who changed child's name by deed poll using a solicitor and the dad started proceedings against the mum to reinstated the original name - which she did in the end. Sorry I think changing their names so people don't think their SM is the mum is a bit of a knee jerk reaction and a bit confusing to the children.

NewBikeForChristmas · 07/12/2011 18:44

Don't think this is possible, a very good friend of mine tried it about year ago and couldn't. Her DD was registered with her dad's name at birth, and parents split up a year of so later. Her DD is "known as" Mum'sName but is Dad'sName on official documentation.

Collaborate · 10/12/2011 00:05

You cannot do it on your own. He has to agree.

GypsyMoth · 10/12/2011 00:14

Changed to what though?

Riakin · 14/12/2011 09:36

He can enforce it. Imo I think you sound like a bitter person.

Changing a child's name I.e. surname has massive implications for him then wanting to access medical/educational info especially if you are using a known by. I know from my work and in addition personally. I had to contact both the bma and prayed regarding getting info as schools and doctors refused to speak to me. The doctors only did so after solicitors letters were ignored by ex so solicitor wrote to the practice

Riakin · 14/12/2011 09:37

Prayed = ofsted

Damn autocorrect

Pootles2010 · 14/12/2011 09:39

You don't have a cat in hells chance, and neither should you. They're his as much as they are yours!

Acanthus · 14/12/2011 09:41

You won't be able to register a deed without his consent and if he seeks a court order for you to change the surname back he will get one. The courts take the view that you can't rewrite history. Which you can't. Don't do it.

Singleandproud · 14/12/2011 09:47

Could you add your name to the end instead?

planetpotty · 14/12/2011 09:47

My DH ex tried to pull this one for the reason "im not having you all playing happy families" it smacks of bitterness, selfishness and this will eat you up inside if you dont pull yourself up by your bootstraps get over whatever has happened and move on with your life and be HAPPY.

civilfawlty · 14/12/2011 09:50

I think your reasons are understandable and make sense. Though as other posters have said, perhaps it may be confusing for your children. Would it be possible to suggest double-barrelling your surname and his (for your dcs) as a middle ground. Feels like a more measured suggestion. And also, when raising it, maybe you could avoid focusing on your feelings and instead on your children's identity so the discussion isn't inflamed.

Best of luck

Pootles2010 · 14/12/2011 10:03

So do you still have your maiden name at the moment? Or do you have his name and about to change it back? Could you double barrell just your name, so you have your maiden name and the same surname as the children?

Snorbs · 14/12/2011 11:03

Courts tend to view surnames as an important part of a child's sense of identity. You would need a very good reason indeed to persuade a court that you should be allowed to change your DC's surname without their father's consent. "I don't want people mistaking my ex's new wife as their mother" is not a particularly strong reason.

What does it matter if your ex's new wife might, very occasionally, be erroneously assumed to be the mother of your children? What kind of circumstance are you thinking of where a random stranger would find out everybody's surname and then make such a mistake? What impact could that possibly have that couldn't be fixed by any one of them saying "Haha, I can understand why you assumed that but actually no she's not their mother"? What difference would that make to your children?

It's quite likely that when my DCs go to see their mum, some random strangers might think that my ex's latest DP is my DC's dad purely by virtue of them seeing two kids with two adults and making the obvious assumption. Who cares? People make wrong assumptions about all sorts of things. It's not big deal.

planetpotty · 14/12/2011 11:14

Just re-read my post and it sounds harsh it's not meant to be

If it's any conciliation we have never been in a situation where the surname has caused people to assume we are all one family as it's not really come up and I can't see when it will really. If people (say a shop assistant) have ever mistaken me as her mum she corrects them and says "nooo planet is my step mummy" and that's that. I know it may seem much worse to you but IME it's not actually a big deal.

What's important is your DC really and even if her name was changed it won't change the situation. You are her mum - nothing in the world will ever change that

Beckamaw · 17/12/2011 11:43

You can't make any changes without your ex consenting. We have just been through a court case as my DPs ex wife wanted kids to take her new DH surname. She said the kids wanted it and it would make things easier when they booked holidays( WTF?).
The judge said it was ridiculous. Asked if DP was abusive or abandoning children, which he isn't. There were no extenuating circumstances. We were advised that if she tries to use her new DP surname for the kids on any documents whatsoever she will be forced to change it back.

overthehillmum · 17/12/2011 12:07

My children chose to be known as my maiden name when they moved to secondary school, my dd had a year before starting high school to decide on it, my ds had two years, I had reverted back to my maiden name as I was working towards my professional qualifications and didn't want to have my exh name on them. They didn't like me having a different name to them. It was my children's decision, with me having no problem with them keeping their dads surname, but he had practically no involvement with them from a young age. When they turned 16 they changed it by deed poll, so it's a done deal now. It's not something you should impose on them, if they have a close relationship with their dad then I think you should think twice about doing anything, they may end up resenting you in the future.

starsintheireyes · 17/12/2011 22:13

Thanks for everyones thoughts on this, Ive decided the only way round this is to change my surname to exp. Not really what I want but at least Ill have the same name as the kids.

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